Our parents depended on us to fill their emotional holes, their inner child’s unmet needs, to make them feel good about who they are. For the most part, they weren’t seen by their own parents, and they unconsciously pass those needs onto us. Most of the time, our parents projected their emotions onto us to try to help them feel better, rather than using them as guidance for the changes they need to make in their life.
In the first episode of The Authentic Wife Show, I talk about how our parents impacted us and how the struggle is real when trying to give 100% attention to each of our children.
“I just need silence.” – every mom everywhere
I share how my marriage started to fall apart because the model I had for getting others to change behavior was based on fear, shame, and control. I have since learned that there are love-based ways to inspire people to work with you and to change their behavior.
Business leadership models give us the best example for how to get the best from your people.
Stop being the beater and start being the leader.
I can’t force somebody to turn the wheel, I can only help them understand why it’s best for all of us that they do. The trick of marriage is making sure there’s mutual meeting of the needs there, but that doesn’t always mean that YOU are the one to meet the needs.
We have to take ownership of meeting our needs.
We are being asked to lead our homes, and it positively impacts our entire lives.
We can continue with this mindset of using anger, fear, and shame to try to control others or we can realize that it doesn’t work, but leadership does.
Being clear and transparent and honest and helping other people understand your vision and having empathy for them and their needs so it’s mutually beneficial so you can find ways to support them as well, taht’s what we’re being asked to do in marriage. and that was my marriage. The big shift is really from being miserable because we try to control other people to feeling happy and empowered because we know how to lead people.
If you’re struggling in your marriage today, why don’t you start thinking about how you were shown by your parents about how you get people to do things?
One way to assess your leadership style is to take the Partnership Style Quiz.