We are all looking for someone to love us, to recreate the love and nurturing we felt (or wanted to feel) during childhood. We find someone that makes us feel that way for a while and then decide to marry them.
The problem is, relationships aren’t to make us feel loved. Love, like happiness, is a feeling we generate inside of ourselves, and give to ourselves. Of course others CAN love us, but it’s not what we think.
We all are capable of generating this field of love in our hearts that surrounds us, like a radiant light, several feet around our bodies. What we think of as another loving us, is really just the experience of being inside their Love Field. It is just an exchange of energy.
If we are absent of that love inside of ourselves, being in their Love Field will never truly help us, as it doesn’t reach our core. Only the love we generate can do that. Sex can do this, but only for a fleeting moment, and only if that is the intention behind it for both parties.
What relationships are actually here for is our growth. Relationships are challenging. Others mirror our level of consciousness back to us, shining the light on areas that need to grow or heal.
It is no wonder that so many marriages end in divorce. Everyone is always evolving, or not. People are finding the path toward their healing, or not. Relationships were never meant to be a rosy, lifelong commitment. People come and go into our lives as we attract them, for the specific purpose of our growth. Healthy relationships are based on an exchange of value.
What most marriages today are is really just a partnership. It’s saying; this life thing is hard, let’s do it together. You maintain some kind of homestead together, team up to accomplish tasks, have someone to help you out if you should get ill, that kind of thing.
Years ago this wouldn’t be necessary. We lived in tribes and everyone looked out for each other. Finding food was a group effort, as was building shelter, raising children, and making clothing and tools.
In our modern society, marriage has become somewhat of a necessity. Families spread out across the country. It’s pragmatic to find a teammate to face the material aspect of life with.
Unfortunately, we put all of these constraints and conditions on the partnership, insisting it makes sense to live together forever, that the person we married when we were 25 must still be exactly the same the year we die. It’s not realistic at all. Once that person fulfills their role of ushering us into a new stage of growth, we may no longer find it enjoyable or even acceptable to live with them.
If we are married to someone that doesn’t understand how to generate love from within, then we will constantly feel drained of our energy. Or we may find their presence consistently lowers our level of consciousness, meaning their unconscious actions cause us to feel anger or regret or blame.
What then? Well, then one would probably choose to move on. But then again, there’s that whole survival thing. There are bills, and now someone needs a new homestead, and each party has to find a way to live on their own. Can you imagine if this wasn’t an issue in our society? If people were able to move around with ease, to choose to live with people that are a better match to their stage of growth?
If you do decide to marry someone, try to make sure of two things: 1) that they are at your level of consciousness, 2) they are committed to continuous growth.
If you are already in a relationship, remind yourself that it’s here for your evolution. No one will nurture you and take care of you like your parents did, or like you wanted them to. Hopefully you find someone that has a strong Love Field and is full of compassion, but if not, don’t lose hope that this is it for you. Keep strengthening these aspects in yourself, and you will inspire change in your partner.
If you don’t, then you will know what to do.
On a mission to stop creating childhoods that kids have to recover from by ending divorce culture, Beth helps ambitious, often entrepreneurial, moms use their marriage conflict as a feedback loop so they can grow in self-awareness and authentically create the relationship they want without leaving the one they're in.
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