Conflict with others is an opportunity for us to grow as a person, grow in self-awareness, and grow our most valuable skills.
Before I started doing this work in Conscious Parenting and the work that led to saving my marriage, I used to view conflict just as something to add to a growing cons list about the other person. I took those issues and collected them to be able to make a decision about whether I wanted to leave the relationship or not. Often, I did, or they did, and I just moved on. Even though I was introspective, I just wasn’t aware of what I wasn’t aware of yet. I didn’t know how to view the situation from their perspective (empathy) and I didn’t know why I was continually in these same scenarios with other people (patterns).
Most often, my lack of boundaries was reflected in a general dissolution of the relationship so I didn’t know what to do with those. I just always assumed I wasn’t enough — not skinny enough, pretty enough, or smart enough for the other person. But the only direct feedback I often got was more along the lines of “being on a high horse” or being condescending. That could have alerted me to my lack of empathy (though I was an empath, having real empathy is a different skill), had I known how to deconstruct the pattern and my role in the relationship.
Using conflict to help us see a reflection of ourselves the same way I used collected data about our cell phone network to improve it helps us heal, change our limiting beliefs, feel repressed emotions, and gain new skills like:
- Active listening
- Emotional regulation
- Communicating with empathy
- Using our energy wisely
- Point us back toward what we need to heal
- Alert us to thoughts that aren’t serving us
- Alert us to where we’ve handed over our power instead of being responsible for our role in the relationship and our boundaries and authentic choices
- Be the trigger that finally gets us to release and feel emotions
This is why I help conscious moms use their relationship as a feedback loop to grow in more self-awareness and create the relationship they want without leaving the one they’re in.
I’d love to chat with you — visit my Coaching page to learn more or book a call.
Read more about Conscious Marriage here.
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- 45: Why Creating Marriage Health is Good Parenting - May 28, 2023