Why Do We Judge Others and How Do We Use It To Have Better Relationships?

Exploring Triggers, judgement, Marriage
April 27, 2021

The Authentic Wife and Mom

Beth Rowles | The Conscious Marriage Coach

We judge others against our “book of law,” or our conditioned set of beliefs.

We also judge others because they hold up mirrors for us about ourselves. What we’ve rejected or are unaware of in ourselves (unconscious) causes a reaction in us that manifests as judgment toward the other.

Good or Bad is An Opinion

Labeling something as “good” or “bad” is purely subjective…. There is no such thing as good or bad, there just is. We’ve assigned these labels as a society and they change all of the time. Yesterday skinny jeans and side parts were good, today’s generation has decided they’re bad.

Centuries ago being curvy and overweight was good, as it was a sign you were wealthy, today it’s harder to be skinny so we’ve decided overweight is bad…

One person might think a quiet, smart person is good, another person might prefer loud and funny people instead.

(Warning if you’re Catholic, I beat up on the religion a bit in this video as a recovering Catholic myself.)

Our brain uses judgments as a quick, efficient, even lazy way of assessing a situation and the way we fit into it.

Our ego wants to protect us, so if it’s immature it will judge everyone else as bad to prop us up and prepare us to fight to defend ourselves. An immature ego is always sizing up the competition to help us feel good and survive, rather than being conscious of our true nature and oneness with others.

Judgments Help Us Grow

In the end, all judgments are a reflection of the way we feel about ourselves and our wounding or values depending on our own level of consciousness. As we become aware of our judgments, take note of them, and then become introspective to see what healing they’re pointing us to, we can begin to grow and evolve at an almost rapid pace.

When you realize that what’s out there is a reflection of what’s in here, you begin to welcome the ups and downs of life as they help you discover more and more about yourself. Growing in self-awareness is how we stop being lived by life and start living it with intention, crafting it into exactly what we want it to be.

“Judging others is easy because it distracts us from the responsibility of judging ourselves.”
― Charles F. Glassman, Brain Drain The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life

Instead, try to silence the judgmental voice as much as you can through your own healing, and view everything through a lens of understanding instead, seeking to identify what every judgment that still comes up for you is here to teach you about your own life.


Click here to read more about Conscious Marriage.


Beth Rowles
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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.


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"Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns."

--Dr. Laura Berman, Quantum Love

Love Queen, Enneagram 5, Child Prioritizer, Problem Solver, Book Lover, Authenticity Expert, And Your Marriage Saver

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You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!