What To Do When Your Partner’s Negativity Is Draining You

Energetic Coherence, Marriage
May 29, 2021

The Authentic Wife and Mom

Beth Rowles | The Conscious Marriage Coach

When my own marriage was at its lowest point, I felt like my husband was dragging me down. I felt like his negativity was draining me. I write in my book, The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage, how I felt like I was hanging on to hundreds of balloons floating in the sky and that when he entered the room it would yank me down. I was exhausted by his constant low state, his pessimism, and his negativity. I really blamed him for ruining my happy vibe or for making our house an unhappy place.

What I didn’t realize was… that I was matching him there. When his energy state dropped, mine did too. When we grow up with unpredictable adults, we become hypersensitive to everyone’s energy. We pay attention to the lowest person in the room because they’re the threat. If they’re in fear (which is basically what that low energy boils down to), then we’re in fear too, because we’re worried about how they’re going to react to us or reject us.

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I was even there first at times without realizing it. I’d have a fearful thought and my energy would drop even though I’d try to ignore it or repress it.

Grab my The Princess & The Peeve Emotion Assessment to see what you’re feeling right now (or the next time his negativity is draining you) and what to do about it:

Not matching our partner’s energy is the topic of my recent conversation with Vibe Coach for moms with ADHD, Tracy Nolin Beerman. We chatted about how we manage our own vibe and especially what it means and what we can do when those around us are “low vibe” or negative. Watch here:

Tracy shares her FAB Framework with us:

F-Focus on you (What are your values, needs, wants?)

A– Align to who you want to be (Mastering your mind, what would you be thinking if you were this person you’re envisioning? What would she do? How would she be? How do you want to feel? Raising your vibe.)

B-Become who you want to be (Become the woman we’re envisioning today, do three habits in our Toolkit and one is needed. Use your Inner Mentor and ask her what you should be doing, thinking, saying.)

Do you ever feel like life is coming at you? Like you’re playing a perpetual game of whack a mole? Something comes up over here and you whack it down. Something comes up over there and you whack it down. Before you know it you’re spending days, weeks, months and sometimes years always on the lookout for the next thing to whack.

Tracy Nolin Beerman has been there too. With her experience as a Vibe Coach, a former teacher, a certified Life Mastery Consultant, a yogi with almost 30 years on the mat, and the mother of 2 amazing kids (her greatest teachers) she helps moms raise their vibe to cultivate more joy, more connection, and more harmony in their lives.



Download her HIGH VIBE TOOLKIT: A MOM’S GUIDE TO TAKING YOGA OFF THE MAT AND INTO LIFE The only guide designed to help moms feel alive and keep their yoga vibe flowing both on and off the mat no matter what comes next.



And don’t forget to download your free Emotion Assessment to learn exactly what YOUR emotions mean and what to do with them:

Beth Rowles
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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.


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"Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns."

--Dr. Laura Berman, Quantum Love

Love Queen, Enneagram 5, Child Prioritizer, Problem Solver, Book Lover, Authenticity Expert, And Your Marriage Saver

I’m Beth.
Your Authenticity
[to keep it a Family] Coach.

You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!