I am so excited to talk about man colds. When I woke up today to one of those funny articles full of pictures of man colds versus mom colds, I had no idea I’d be writing about it later. Now, here I am, and I couldn’t even wait to make the image for this blog, knowing for sure I had a picture of my husband SOMEWHERE on my phone in his lazy slug state. You know the one.
Like, I searched for an hour.
Maybe he deleted it.
I digress.
My husband has a cold. But not just ANY cold. THE SAME COLD I’VE HAD FOR A WEEK. The same cold I took care of two kids with, worked, attended a conference, walked miles, oh AND FLEW ACROSS THE COUNTRY with 40 billion pounds of luggage and my entire family with.
Yeah, a MAN COLD.
And it started this morning and I’ve already heard about it sixteen thousand times.
“Oh, I’m going to be so miserable!”
“Oh, my nose is a faucet!”
“Ohhhhhh!!”
“Oh I shouldn’t have taken a drink after the baby!”
“Do we have any Sudafed?!”
“I’m going to go buy some Sudafed.”
So SOMEHOW he musters the strength to go to our local Giant Eagle and buy the milk we needed and some Sudafed. Without a cane or anything!
And he opens it the second he gets home and takes some, then returns to moaning about his nose.
And that is when it dawned on me. I’ve been sick over a week, and I haven’t taken one thing for it. Not one! Never mind that I can’t hear out of my left ear and the right is still muffled. Or that I’ve had a sore throat. Or that I FLEW ON A PLANE WITH EUSTACHIAN TUBES THAT WOULDN’T DRAIN.
(Are you familiar with that horror?!)
This man went out and bought some chemical relief within the first 12 hours of being sick! This man voiced his symptoms and will make damn well sure that he doesn’t LIFT A FINGER until that cold has packed it’s bags and moved into the next unsuspecting victim. I can promise you that. He will do the BARE MINIMUM. Which is like, even less than the bare minimum he normally does (love you dear!)…
This man made damn sure his needs were MET.
And as I popped a Sudafed into my own mouth, that is when I got the connection. In my The Year of the Awakened Heart class with the amazing, beautiful, brilliant Dr. Shefali Tsabary, we are just getting into BOUNDARIES, and the first thing she had to discuss was the continuum on which we all exist where we are somewhere between two things most of the time:
A Narcissist or an Empath.
The Narcissist, TYPICALLY male, will know that they have needs to be met and will RUTHLESSLY meet them. They will TYPICALLY drive us bananas because they seem to think only of themselves, but they actually don’t have worth or a sense of self. Since they don’t know how to go inside themselves for anything, they cross the line of healthy boundaries and will depend on others for almost everything.
The Narcissist feels ENTITLED to have their needs met. The Narcissist is who gets a MAN COLD.
And, they will find an Empath to meet their needs, TYPICALLY a woman.
Don’t feel all high and mighty knowing you’re a sweet, compassionate Empath, my friend. She doesn’t even know she HAS needs!! Or look for them to be met, AT ALL! Empaths attacks themselves, don’t realize they can ask for what they want, don’t even have ANY sense of self-worth, have ZERO sense of entitlement, and they don’t ever dare ask to be treated with worth or dignity!
Starting to sound familiar?
Of course, these start in childhood, so don’t feel all guilty if you lean one way or the other. All can be fixed. Everyone can course-correct and do the inner work.
As a recovering Empath myself, just learning how to set healthy boundaries and realize my own worth, I actually did INSIST that I get a nap as soon as we got home from our trip earlier this week. Well, I tried. My dear husband INSISTED that he needed to play Xbox with a friend and delivered the baby to me in our bed… who fortunately bought into the program and finally napped with me.
But here’s the thing: if you are with someone that has familiarized you with the term “MAN COLD”, then this is your mirror to really take a deep look inside YOURSELF and ask what this is teaching you.
Do you feel your own worth?
Do you love yourself?
Do you trust yourself?
Do you identify your needs?
Do you make sure they are met, utilizing all of the resources and relationships in your life? (Don’t expect your partner to do it all, that’s impossible. The responsibility lies with YOU to get them met.)
Do you find a way to take the time you need when you are sick? Do you lay low and allow your body to rest?
Do you voice your needs and have empowered conversations?
Do you set boundaries with those who tread on you, don’t honor your worth, or don’t treat you with dignity?
Moms may not take sick days. But Moms have a thing or two to learn from the Man Cold.
On a mission to stop creating childhoods that kids have to recover from by ending divorce culture, Beth helps ambitious, often entrepreneurial, moms use their marriage conflict as a feedback loop so they can grow in self-awareness and authentically create the relationship they want without leaving the one they're in.
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