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The Authentic Wife and Mom

Then and Now

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I sat down the other night to write up a table of how I’ve transformed since I started on this Conscious Parenting journey.

It’s hard sometimes to remember where I was, what I was like, what my struggles were.

It’s easy from this place to forget the past, push it all behind me in some kind of Buddhist amnesia – watching it swirl away like the micro-droplets from my oil diffuser.

Oh, that old Beth?  Nope, don’t know her, sorry.

The truth is, I was like a lost flower, trying to find home, trying to find a safe place that I could stretch my roots into the soft dirt and grow.

I was so anxious all of the time – I wouldn’t have described it that way but that’s exactly what I was.  I would pray every day that my husband would come home in one piece.  I would pray for protection.  I would constantly analyze every move and decision for events in the future that may or may not happen.

I actually caught myself doing that again this weekend: if I do this, then that will happen, then we’ll be in this situation, then I’ll have to do this, then my kids will grow up like this, then…

So I stopped myself and was like WOAH NELLY, dude, you’re sitting in the van, going down the highway.  BE HERE NOW.  

All of that hypothetical, future worrying stuff got me NOWHERE.

I think about all of the time I used to spend making decisions about every. single. thing.

Where should we stay on vacation?  Well, we’ll need it to be like this.  We’ll need to have this many bedrooms.  I want to wake up to this view.  We’ll do this the first day.  This hotel won’t work because it doesn’t have the right kind of bathroom to give the kids a bath in.

Like, every last detail was scrutinized!  What happened to just being surprised??

I remember one trip where funds were sooo tight that I used Hotwire, the site where you pick a price and then are surprised with the hotel.  I was so certain that the room it gave us in Gatlinburg was going to be a terrifying dump at $35 a night.  I was anxious the entire ride down there.  It turned out to be JUST. FINE.

In fact, the room was so nice, we booked that hotel two more times!  (Truthfully, I’d still use Hotwire until I was certain it was offering us a room at that same joint and then cross my fingers as I clicked “Buy”!!)

And when it came to buying stuff for me?  Holy moly – I was super against that.  Invest in me?  What?!  I can’t do that, we have bills to pay.

Oh man… had I only KNOWN that spending money back then would have turned my life around so much!  I wouldn’t have hesitated a second!

  • I had zero boundaries.
  • I depended on everyone to give me feedback before making a decision.
  • I thought I was always right.
  • I would complain about everything.
  • I analyzed every decision, using graphs and spreadsheets and every tool imaginable to make the “best” choice.

Now?  

I trust myself now to know what is authentic for ME. 

I am less afraid of how people react than I am of being fake.

I understand my role as a co-creator in everything that happens in my life.

I realize everyone’s experience and opinion is valid.

I stopped analyzing decisions and just know the right answer for me.

I’m ready for the adventure of life!

Really, I feel like I’m finally LIVING.  

So, here’s your assignment, and one I wish I’d done a long time ago:


1. On a Post-It Note, write down the things that REALLY matter to you.
2. Check everything you’re doing and spending money on against those things

Do they line up?  

For me, the number one thing was “Our Health”.  I realized how much I cringe at spending any money on my health!  I cringe spending time AND money on it, honestly.  Yet our health is one of those things that we so easily take for granted and can instantly feel so helpless when it starts failing.

This is a great quick check of matching up the way you live with what your priorities truly ARE. 

If a peaceful home, feeling more joy as a parent, or being less anxious and more confident made your list, I’d love to talk to you about coaching.  This process is amazing and I wish for everyone to experience it!  What’s holding you back from calling?  Let’s talk about it!  Put YOU at the top of your list. 

XO,
Beth

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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.

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You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!