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The Authentic Wife and Mom

The Conscious Response to An Unconscious Husband

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What do you do with a husband who can go into a rage? With a spouse who rants and complains and is unconscious?

When I was learning Conscious Parenting and exploring the Tao and mindfulness, meditation and detachment, I was really confused about what it meant. I started to just witness my husband. I was aware that he was being unconscious and that he had work to do… but I was totally lost on what to actually DO and how to support him through it.

Finally, I understood that what I actually needed in those moments was to be in a state of loving detachment, to have empathy, to understand what it was like to be in his shoes rather than judging it as unconscious or wanting to move away from it. I could love him through it, empathize with him, and help him process what he was experiencing. And in some cases, I could walk away because he started to violate my boundaries by talking to me disrespectfully. I was able to remain in a state of love.

 
 

One of the best books I’ve read on empathy is actually Never Split the Difference by former FBI Negotiator Chris Voss. If you have Masterclass, be sure to watch his series on there as well. He has perfected bringing people down from extremely heightened emotional states through empathy and gives you the practical ways to convey the empathy you feel (and it is something you must embody) to the other person.

My clients struggle to be in this state of loving empathy with their partners until they’ve done the work themselves, which is why The Quantum Love Journey first takes you on an inward journey before you try to hold space for your partner.

But you can begin to learn about empathy and experience it with your own coach, therapist, or really conscious friends. And you may find it much easier to practice with your children before you start practicing with your spouse. You cannot be in a state of loving detachment and be defensive and triggered, critical and domineering.

Please let me know how this goes for you? You can send me an email or schedule a quick chat by clicking here. Or visit my marriage page to find more resources on conscious marriage.

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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.

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"Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns."

--Dr. Laura Berman, Quantum Love

Love Queen, Enneagram 5, Child Prioritizer, Problem Solver, Book Lover, Authenticity Expert, And Your Marriage Saver

I’m Beth.
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You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!