Is My Marriage Hurting My Child?

1. One or both of us put them through a restrictive religious experience.

2. One or both of us put them through a restrictive or limited educational experience.

3. One or both of us challenges their perspective of their experience. ("You're ok!  That wasn't scary!" for example.)

4. One or both of us denies that what they saw or experienced really happened. (Example: Dad takes the toy and when the child looks for it he says, "I don't know what you're talking about!")

5. One or both of us is very authoritarian. They do what I/we say.

6. One or both of us often tells them to be quiet or silent.

7. One or both of us doesn't allow them to speak truthfully. ("Don't talk to me like that, young lady!")

8. One or both of us excessively criticizes them.

9. One or both of us lies to them or breaks promises.

10. One or both of us has/have a chemical or alcohol addiction.

11. One or both of us verbally abuses them or they hear constant arguing, yelling, or screaming.

12. One or both of us is very controlling and withdraws our love or attention when they do something we don't like.

13. Our home is loveless or cold.

14. One or both of us constantly compares them to others.

15. One or both of us dominates them and makes them feel powerless.

16. They are given age-inappropriate responsibilities or take care of their siblings.

17. One or both of us shames them. ("Why did you do that?!")

18. They are afraid of being punished.

19. One or both of us often denies making "unnecessary" purchases that would bring them joy.

20. One or both of us is not very affectionate.

21. One or both of us controls food or body shames them.

22. One or both of us denies, shames, or rejects their feelings.

23. They have seen us abuse each other.

24. One or both of us makes them take responsibility for the way we feel. ("You made me so angry!")

25. We are chronically fighting.

26. One or both of us spanks them, puts them in time out, sends them to their room, hits them with a belt, hits them with a paddle, pops them, smacks them, etc.