I blame love.

Exploring Triggers, Marriage, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Wife
January 31, 2019

The Authentic Wife and Mom

Beth Rowles | The Conscious Marriage Coach

I blame love.

We come into this world full of it, but then are told that in order to experience it from our parents, we better change.

If you’re quiet, I’ll love you. 
If you pick up the mess, I’ll love you.
If you lose weight, I’ll love you.
If you get me a gift, I’ll love you.
If you get all A’s, I’ll love you.
If you go to college, I’ll love you.

So we forget love and move way down the spectrum to shame. We match our parents’ state. Maybe it’s anger, or fear, or apathy.

They’re so busy trying to be all the things that will earn them love, they don’t even pay attention to us when we share it with them freely. They don’t even realize that’s what love is.

Love is an energetic state we move to in our heart. It’s a high vibration energy we reach through gratitude and presence and alignment to our soul.

No one can take that away. No one can do anything that makes us stop feeling love. If someone has that kind of power, it’s because you’ve given it to them. You’ve falsely believed they can control your thoughts and thus your feelings.

So how does another love you?

They move into this energy of love.

And you bask in it.

That’s it. You don’t have to earn it.

You don’t have to change.

You don’t have to be thinner. Or prettier. Or wealthier. Or smarter. Or obey some other authority.

Love isn’t needy like that. It isn’t dependent on another.

Love is NEVER dependent on another.

You move into a state of love. The people closest to you enjoy it. And hopefully they move there too.

But healing from all the noise in our head that says we’re not worthy of this state takes time. It takes healing; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Not religiously. Spiritually. Most religions perpetuate this lie that you have to be something else to be worthy. They separate us from love and from our soul.

We need to move into alignment with our soul. There is no authority judging you. There’s no need to punish yourself.

Moving away from love means we do things that have uncomfortable consequences. THAT is how we learn— no punishment necessary. If we live at a low vibration, we attract low vibration circumstances into our lives.

So that is love. An internal state you can move to right now and share with the world.

No one is holding you back.

They don’t need to change or leave for you to feel it.

And if you’re there on the regular, chances are good they’ll join you, too.

So, I blame love. Rather, the lie we all believed about what love was. We don’t need to “take it away” to teach. We don’t need to teach at all. Love does this. Being in this state of love teaches our kids everything they need to know from us.

Love doesn’t punish. Or depend. Or control. Love is about you and you alone. They’ve got nothing to do with it.

Beth Rowles
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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.


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"Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns."

--Dr. Laura Berman, Quantum Love

Love Queen, Enneagram 5, Child Prioritizer, Problem Solver, Book Lover, Authenticity Expert, And Your Marriage Saver

I’m Beth.
Your Authenticity
[to keep it a Family] Coach.

You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!