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Growing up, we’re given a “book of law” full of beliefs, about the way the world works and about ourselves.

These come from our parents, school, church, friends, etc. They use the labels we’ve assigned everything to help us quickly make sense of the world and how to be within it.

Some beliefs are great, things like “we’re smart” or “be kind to others”, but a lot of our beliefs or conditioning were based on other people’s pain and their agendas. These are called limiting beliefs; beliefs like “I can’t change my relationship” or “homosexuals are sinners” or “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not worthy if I don’t go to college” or “I’m not good at this” are all limiting beliefs.

How Do We Change Them?

We can change our beliefs and adopt new ones, but it involves lubing our brain with meditation so it more easily lets go of those old neural connections and creates new ones. Meditation helps us to be mindful, or control the thoughts rapid firing in our mind non-stop. It helps us organize information, gain clarity, and get out of stressful high beta brainwaves.

And it also requires us to challenge the belief and see what it costs us, how it’s limiting us from living the life we were meant to. In some way, it’s served us so far (for better or worse), so understanding how the belief causes us or others harm is a pivotal step in the process. Emotional healing is often required first. Repressed emotions keep us stuck in a feeling state that matches the limiting belief.

It’s Not Always Instantenous

Adopting new beliefs can take time. We can use affirmations and say them often, print them or write them out and keep them in front of us. A belief that is challenging for almost all women I talk to is just “I love myself.” How sad is it that loving ourselves can be such a hard thing to do? Spend time in front of the mirror telling yourself how much you love yourself.

Catch yourself when a thought or belief isn’t serving you. We also have to be very careful of the beliefs we give our children, and stop ourselves when we notice we’re not giving them a helpful and expansive belief. One example is to remind them that “they’re learning” when they say they aren’t good at something. “You’re learning how to cut with a knife,” instead of, “I can’t do this.”

And you’re learning how to have better relationships, Love.