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I really wanted my husband to bring me water when

I really wanted my husband to bring me water when I was breastfeeding, or wash the bottles so I could sleep, or do any number of the millions of tasks that are relentless during early parenthood. I wanted him just to know what to do and to be helpful.

But every year prior to those, I took care of him. I didn't have needs. I made it clear I didn't need his help, that I was a "strong, independent woman" who had survived on my own and could continue to survive on my own. In fact, I was so good at surviving, that I could carry him around too.

Then I had a real baby in a sling around my chest and it became apparent that this was BROKEN. I needed a partner. I needed another adult, who knew what needed to be done and would just do it. Would take initiative, plan, and produce.

But unfortunately, it took me several years before I could drop the "strong, independent woman" thing. The fears that if I let my guard down he'd trample me. The whole belief system that thought he needed to be taken care of or I'd be a bad wife. It took years to admit I needed help, and for my energy to change to actually be RECEPTIVE to help.

Politely asking, demanding, controlling, and managing -- treating him like a grunt underneath me rather than a managing partner -- got me the exact opposite of help.

Therefore I had to learn how to soften, how to be receptive, how to be honest, how to be vulnerable, and how to share what it was like to be me. When he heard the problems I was facing, he suddenly got to be part of the solution. It was an adjustment for him as much as it was for me.

My point is that no matter what you think you desire, until your energy matches it (being receptive to help, in this example), you won't co-create it. You'll continue to get what your thoughts, energy, and behaviors create. If you're single and think "to hell with men that aren't attracted to this!" you go girl, AND check your deeper energy. Are you on guard around men or think there are guys underneath or above you? Or are you warm and loving and ready to accept all of who they might be just as they are, too?

Instagram post 17938432796625230

Instagram post 17938432796625230

Loving deeply is fine. Being so attached to what w

Loving deeply is fine. Being so attached to what we love that we suffocate it, is not. You can find my book at theauthenticwifebook.com or wherever books are sold.

Instagram post 18021629827505294

Instagram post 18021629827505294

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