Dimming My Own Light

Life, Perfection, Validation, Worth
June 13, 2017

The Authentic Wife and Mom

Beth Rowles | The Conscious Marriage Coach

  Recently I identified this internal struggle I have with being vulnerable.  I was afraid of my work being judged and being less than perfect.  I was afraid of being taken advantage of or of producing something that wasn’t reflective of the best – whether it was my best or not.

  This whole notion that we have to be perfect comes from a childhood of only being validated when we get things right.  “Good job!”s and straight A’s and acceptance into the best school abound when we peek into family homes with traditional parenting.  Parents forget or don’t know to light up EVERY time they see their kids, they don’t realize they need to encourage effort rather than perfection.  This produces “Type A” adults that are so afraid to fail they are paralyzed, afraid to do anything less they make a mistake.

  I was watching a talk by Mel Robbins (The 5 Second Rule) today and she showed a clip of  J.K. Rowling speaking that really struck me to the core.  She said:

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.”

  I heard that and right away realized, Yes!  That is me!! Other than bringing children to this earthly life form and raising them as consciously as I know how, I have been too afraid to fail at anything to actually DO anything.  I live in my safe cocoon of RF Engineering, doing something that is easily measured and analyzed.

  •   I have Conscious Parenting Workshops to present that I haven’t because I felt it just wasn’t perfect yet.

  •  I have always wanted to make movies and stopped film projects when I was a teenager.

  • I have always wanted to write a book and shut off the flow with my own panic that it won’t be some life-changing work that people have never seen the likes of before.  I literally have agonized hours over coming up with a plot that had never been done before.  I made the whole unwritten novel into a movie that had to be unique and amazing and perfect. 
  • I love to draw but stopped or hesitate to share my drawings because they aren’t “perfect”.  In highschool, my art teacher taught us how to essentially draw a photo and the idea was that it was a perfect, realistic copy – not CREATIVE.  God forbid!  

    I could go on and on with how this fear of not being perfect has held me back in my life.  This simple belief that I’m not WORTHY of just BEING ME.

    I am enough.

    I make a pledge today to continue this life with the desire to inspire with my own authentic light and to not give a damn what anyone else thinks of it.  I choose to validate myself and that inner child that longed for real love and acceptance and rarely got it.  I choose to be me.

    How is your paralysis around perfection holding you back?

    For more on being VULNERABLE, check out work by Brene Brown, author of “Daring Greatly”. 

    Beth Rowles
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    I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

    I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

    I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.


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    You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!