Can An ADHD Marriage Survive? Yes! Here’s How Conscious Moms Avoid Divorce in 5 Steps.

Coaching, Connection and Empathy, Exploring Triggers, Healing
January 13, 2022

The Authentic Wife and Mom

Beth Rowles | The Conscious Marriage Coach

If you’re married to a spouse who has ADHD, or you suspect they might, or if you are the one with ADHD, you’ve noticed that your marriage can be downright infuriating. If you’re the non-ADHD spouse, it can feel like you’re a one-woman team, like you have no support, no partnership, and that you can’t depend on your husband. Likely everything was fine — ADHD was a non-issue in your lives or relationship — until you had kids. But after kids, everything went downhill. And now you feel like you’re doing it all to keep everyone alive and fed and no one is taking care of YOU. You may not even be aware of the fact that it IS ADHD impacting your marriage and making your affected partners seem very selfish.

Depending on who you talk to, you’re going to get conflicting advice. Mental health professionals may treat ADHD (if you know you have it) as an illness and focus on medication, which is only a small part of treatment. Marriage counseling may miss the ADHD as an issue or only focus on the ADHD or the ADHD spouse. Your friends, family, or internet strangers will just tell you to leave your lazy spouse, having no idea what impact ADHD has on marriage (even if it’s affecting their own). Most marriage books (except mine!) will tell you to just have more date nights and sex. And the ADHD sites and resources may lead everyone down rabbit holes and make you feel depressed or powerless over your (or his) diagnosis.

couple, love, proposal

Photo by susan-lu4esm on Pixabay

So if you’re completely overwhelmed and confused about what to do next, it’s ok. If you are tired of being a mean and critical wife and no one but you knowing just how much you do to keep your family afloat, I get you. You’re not alone. If it feels like your husband is just another child to take care of, you are totally in very good company. All of these things are incredibly common with ADHD marriages and that’s why it’s been hard for you to find advice or help that’s actually… helped. I’m going to change that for you. I want you to know that your ADHD marriage can survive and that YOU have tremendous power over changing it, whether your ADHD spouse has been diagnosed or not, whether medication is involved or not, and whether or not you’re worried that your kids are going to be impacted by the marriage.

So it’s important for you to understand what turns the genes on for ADHD and how the personality traits associated with it can change over time through healing and development. Once you learn what’s really going on with you or your husband, you’ll understand that they’re not intentionally trying to be difficult, lazy, or a jerk. And you’ll also take more pressure off yourself for trying to pretend that you have a normal family while taking care of everything on your own. Sometimes it’s nice to just say to a neighbor, “Ugh, our lawn looks terrible, I know. ADHD is hard. Looks like I’m going to have to outsource yard maintenance.” Let people in on your struggles — there’s no shame in sharing!

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Here are 5 Steps to Make Your ADHD Marriage Survive:

  • Know Where ADHD Originates
  • Step Out of Your Role in an Unhealthy Dynamic
  • Heal & Mature, Neurologically & Psychologically
  • Develop Good Leadership Skills & Empower Your Spouse
  • Mature Even Further By Establishing Healthy Habits

Let’s explore each step…

Step #1: Know Where ADHD Originates

baby, crying, cry

Photo by joffi on Pixabay

ADHD Originates When Genes Meet a Family of Origin or Childhood Environment That Doesn’t Meet The Needs of The Child

Genes are only part of the story of ADHD. While children with ADHD are more likely to have parents with ADHD, their parents were also more likely to grow up in families where alcoholism, depression, anxiety, addiction, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and Tourette’s syndrome were present. And individuals with ADHD are often orphaned or adopted, or descend from someone who was orphaned or adopted, or had mothers who were experiencing a lot of stress during the pregnancy or even depression after the birth.

Adults struggling with dysfunction or psychological problems of their own raising kids in unsettled environments = higher possibility of developing some of the same problems.

Just because one has a gene for something doesn’t mean that the gene will be turned on for that disorder. It is the environment that turns it on. Think of all the brain development happening during a child’s formative years of 0-6. If they don’t have parents who are present, attuned to their needs, and consistently available, the brain development is going to happen differently than in a child who is more fortunate.

And these aren’t parents who are just abusive either. To develop properly, kids are growing from the parenting experienced, not the parent, including the quality of:

  • Eye Contact & Intensity of Glance
  • Body Language
  • Tone of Voice
  • Day-to-day Emotional Fatigue Exhibited in the Presence of the Child
  • Stress Levels Due to Economic/Financial Struggles

Since there’s no perfect parent, the conditions necessary to turn on the genes that predispose someone to ADHD are ripe.

“True or not, narrow genetic explanations for ADD and every other condition of the mind do have their attractions. They are easy to grasp, socially conservative, and psychologically soothing. They raise no uncomfortable questions about how a society and culture might erode the health of its members, or about how life in a family may have affected a person’s physiology or emotional makeup.”

Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder by Gabor Maté

Then, These Unmet Needs or Unregulated Environment Result in an Under-Developed Self, Neurologically and Psychologically

We’re born with no capacity whatsoever to self-regulate, and this is a task made possible gradually from childhood to adolescence by the specific brain centers that have to develop and grow connections with other important nerve centers, and chemical pathways that need to be established. The individual with ADHD has incomplete development of pathways in the cerebral cortex, and between the cortex and lower areas of the brain.

brain, mind, obsession

Photo by johnhain on Pixabay

The right prefrontal cortex, now not fully developed in the child, would have been responsible for:

i) Impulse control
ii) Social-emotional intelligence
iii) Motivation
iv) Participating in directing attention
v) Inhibition — evaluates data from the environment, body, lower brain, selects what’s helpful and inhibits input that’s not useful to the situation
vi) Takes emotional information from lower brain centers and decides whether to allow or inhibit it
vii) In ADHD, there’s a lack of this inhibition… the brain has fewer filters…. Therefore the brain can’t prioritize, focus, or organize so it, nor the body, are still

The reason why stimulants (medication) can be useful for people with ADHD is that they arouse the inhibitory function of the right prefrontal cortex, meaning that they allow the ADHD brain to take in less information so it’s easier to focus without getting overwhelmed. It’s kind of like using those barricades or bumpers in gutters when you’re bowling: it’s just a tool to keep you on track by eliminating data that’s not useful to the moment.

This DOESN’T mean that then the other functions of the right prefrontal cortex are repaired and fully functioning. The ADHD adult still needs to grow and mature their impulse control and social-emotional intelligence and heal psychologically from their childhood experiences, which we’ll talk more about in a minute.

Traits Associated With the Under-Developed Neurological and Psychological Self Are Common, but if there are Enough of them to Create Dis-Order In Your Life, It May Be Helpful to Understand Them as ADHD

ADHD is defined by three major features, any two of which suffice for diagnosis. However, ADHD is a disorder because it creates dis-order in your life (the absence of order). It is only when that disorder is negatively impacting your life that you may find it beneficial to obtain that diagnosis and possibly supplement your treatment with medication (stimulants).

The three major features of ADHD are:
  • Poor Attention Skills
    • Situational Focus (distractibility or hyperfocus)
    • Tuning-Out
    • Feeling Like Their Head is Separate From Their Body (disassociation)
    • Creating Mess
    • Having No Template for Order
  • Deficient Impulse Control
    • Poorly Controlled Emotional Reactivity
    • Interrupt Others
    • Torture to Wait Their Turn
    • Act or Speak or Spend Impulsively
    • Purchase Unneeded Items on a Whim or Without Care
  • Hyperactivity
    • Trouble Keeping Physically Still
    • Tapping, Thighs Pumping
    • Nail Chewing
    • Teeth Biting Inside of Mouth
    • Excessive Talking
    • More Likely to be ABSENT in GIRLS

These are all jobs of the right prefrontal cortex. Here are some more ways this manifests:

i) Distractibility
ii) Poor regulation of impulses
iii) Lose the ability to read social cues and participate in socially essential activities
iv) Eventually may be ostracized from the group
v) If separated from mother, may become hyperactive
vi) Counterwill (immediate “No!” to a request)
vii) Time blindness
viii) Act as if actions will have no consequence (part of time illiteracy, the future doesn’t exist)

reflection, brick road, rain

Photo by despoticlick on Pixabay

And, quite important to our understanding of the ADHD impact on marriage, is the knowledge that ADHD affects a person’s ability to respect interpersonal boundaries. As they have not psychologically individuated from their parent for various reasons, and because they are disassociated and “live” outside of their bodies for the most part (depending on their brain and wisdom to have their needs met or convince themselves that it’s ok that they’re not being met), they never develop a sense of self as whole and separate from others.

This will look like a person who gets in your personal space, touches you without asking, uses up your resources, doesn’t hear you say no to something, feels like you should be available at all times, etc. So let’s talk about how to start changing that by ensuring your OWN boundaries are fully developed. As ADHD is a collection of traits resulting from insufficient childhood development, it’s highly likely that the non-ADHD partner ALSO exhibits some of the traits mentioned above, but not all of them.

Step #2: Step Out of Your Role in an Unhealthy Dynamic

A Requirement for Both the Non-ADHD and ADHD Spouse is to Establish Their Personal Boundaries

As the ADHD individual has trouble with maintaining their own boundaries and those of others, one of the earliest steps is to begin establishing their boundaries.

A boundary is simply knowing where you end and another person begins. That means that you more clearly know what is yours to protect, including your time, money, belongings, energy, resources, mind, and spaces.

A boundary is NOT an expectation for how OTHERS will show up, it’s simply where you end and you will hold limits to protect all that is you. So you will move away from behavior that doesn’t honor your worth, and you’ll also begin establishing good habits that show yourself how you honor your worth, such as adequate sleep, refilling your energy through activities you love, personal hygiene, etc. It also means that you’ll stop trying to control the other through your actions by twisting yourself so they don’t have to feel the consequences of their actions. Instead, you’ll realize that the consequence is also NOT yours.

The Non-ADHD Spouse Needs to Understand Why They Have a Tendency to be Mean and Critical to their Spouse

If you feel like the mean wife of the guy everyone on the outside loves, this is for you! So you need to understand three things about your angry critic:

  1. You’ll be angry when you have NO boundaries
  2. You’ll be resentful when you have NO boundaries (and abandon yourself)
  3. You’ll judge others as harshly as you were judged in order to feel safe

To stop being mean and critical you first need to establish boundaries as mentioned above. You can learn more about establishing boundaries in my course, Getting The Love You Deserve. Until you understand how to put yourself first and protect yourself, you won’t be able to move out of the anger.

Anger is the emotion that arises when our boundaries are actively being violated. It arises in us so that we ask ourselves, “What do I need to protect?”

Moms, note that you will also feel anger when someone whose vulnerable’s boundaries are being violated, so you’ll also feel this when your kids’ boundaries are being violated. Anger is the emotion of protection… we just often don’t know what we’re protecting or use an improper and unregulated expression of the anger to do the protecting.

You’ll be resentful when you constantly abandon yourself to meet others’ needs first. Resentment will clear as you start putting yourself first AND allow others to put themselves first.

Once you realize that your class or girls’ night refills your cup and you’ll feel energized and happy, you’ll start to notice how your husband’s weekly golf game or video game with buddies also refills his cup and makes him happier. You’ll start to promote self-care and reap the benefits of it in your family.

Finally, know that you were told a certain way to do things when you were little, and you learned them to be safe. You became a perfectionist. You push yourself to do things right thinking that it makes it easier for you. But all of this is also a coping mechanism that kept you safe as a child.

There’s no one to keep safe now. You are now the one being the terrorist in your home when you are critical of when and how others do things. You have to stop judging yourself so harshly and accept the parts of you that used to be called “lazy” or be shamed by your mom or dad.

Stop Protecting Others From the Natural Consequences of Their Actions and Allow Them to Grow

Once you’ve established your boundaries, you’ll realize that you’re only responsible for the consequences of YOUR actions. As moms, we tend to clean up everyone’s messes, literally and figuratively.

plate, empty, meal

Photo by congerdesign on Pixabay

When you save others because it seems easier, you prevent them from growing, and you’ll become more and more resentful of the burden and violation of your boundaries. Dr. Laura Froyen gave a great example when I talked in her group recently, saying something like: when others don’t rinse the dishes and they don’t get cleaned properly in the dishwasher, I had to stop cleaning them myself and make my family aware of what was happening and that they would then need to make it right.

And when you are tired and ready for bed but your husband finally emerges from his cave hungry, it’s up to you to hold the limit that you’re going to bed and he can fend for himself. He’ll likely tantrum and you’ll feel guilt, but that natural consequence is necessary to change the behavior.

“Parenting” an ADHD spouse is always destructive to your relationship because it demotivates and generates frustration and anger.”
― Melissa Orlov, The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

Step #3: Heal & Mature, Neurologically & Psychologically

To Heal, You Can Use Triggers With Your ADHD or Non-ADHD Spouse to Process the Events From Your Childhood

You can use your spouse to heal the things that YOU haven’t processed. Every emotion is an opportunity to take one of two actions: heal the old emotion that’s showing up or use the free-flowing emotion to take the needed action in the present.

This requires emotional intelligence and the ability to:

  1. Channel your emotion without expressing it on others (most of the time)
  2. Know what you’re feeling and what action is associated with it

One of the first healing steps is to even know what you feel, to come back down into your body. I recommend some creative writing to get in touch with emotions. Think of an emotion you’re familiar with. Try to feel it in your body, or remember the last time you felt it. Then write down:

  • What it would look like if you could see it
  • What it would taste like if you could taste it
  • What it would smell like if you could smell it
  • What it would sound like if you could hear it
  • What color would represent it
  • What symbol (made up or something real like an animal) would represent it

This creative exercise helps you to start to get more familiar with what each emotion feels like for you. Eventually, you’ll channel those and just allow them to flow through your body (they pass in 90 seconds). You can read more about emotions here.

Realize that everything you see in your spouse is in you: both what you like and what you dislike. Your spouse will mirror back to you all of your negative judgments about yourself, your dark and light shadows, your habits… good and bad. When you find yourself strongly reacting to your spouse or child about something, it’s trying to get you to realize information about yourself and be more self-aware.

“… Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions, and who will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain.”

Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder by Gabor Maté

For example, if you’re judging your spouse as self-centered, think about ways that you are self-centered, or what your childhood experience was with someone who was self-centered that you haven’t processed yet.

If you judge your spouse for being so serious and boring but are longing for that old boyfriend who was so fun and carefree, what you’re actually longing for is the part of you that’s fun and carefree. You’ve started denying yourself to align to the unhealthy relationship dynamic being created in your home. Reclaim the fun and carefree part of yourself!

With Neuroplasticity, You Can Finish the Healthy Development of Your Brain 

You can start to improve your ability to direct your attention through meditation. This will also assist you with emotional regulation and impulse control. The ability to be present in the moment is also strengthened through meditation, which forces us to sit with anything we’ve been avoiding.

Vipassana meditation has worked very well for me, but my ADHD husband can’t do it at all. For him, I like guided meditation and Lumosity Mind is a fantastic beginner’s app to start your practice slowly.

You may be surprised to know that meditation creates new neurons and neural connections, which is actually what depression medication ends up doing eventually.

“So, the theory holds, the real value of these medications may be in generating new neurons (a process called neurogenesis), strengthening nerve cell connections, and improving the exchange of information between nerve circuits.” – Harvard Health Publishing, What Causes Depression. 

Question Your Limiting Beliefs and Expectations of Self & Others

When you grow up with parents who are essentially under-developed children, you’re bound to be told and shown things about yourself or the way the world works that just aren’t true. Limiting beliefs and belief systems are the shoulds that your family, school, church, or peers installed in your subconscious (like your inner operating system). To grow psychologically, you must question these beliefs and choose new, more supportive beliefs for yourself.

For example, if good girls put others first, how is that belief serving you? Is it really true? Or is just what you were conditioned to believe to keep you a servant to a system that only worked if you put others first?

If good girls don’t let others feel bad or make them feel bad, is that even true? No… no one can make us feel bad, that’s an inside job too. You’re not responsible for how other people feel.

If you judge him as not taking good enough care of himself because he has flaky skin or has put on weight, how are you taking care of yourself? Did you abandon those self-care plans long ago? Miss hikes you used to go on? What did your parents tell you about being overweight that still feels painful to you?

Explore these limiting beliefs and upgrade your operating system!! No one needs an operating system last released in 1982.

Step #4: Develop Good Leadership Skills & Empower Your Spouse

Know That Your ADHD Spouse is Capable

Something that’s consistent among my Happily Ever After Marriage Coaching Program clients is that their husbands are BRILLIANT. These are top-performing, only-one-of-their-kind in the world type of guys. My own husband is like a walking encyclopedia. I mean, you definitely want him on your trivia team! On top of that, he’s also been top of his game literally in things like pool, golf, and Xbox. But, he didn’t even know that he had ADHD until our marriage was falling apart and my counselor diagnosed him. You may not even realize that this is impacting your marriage, either. And like I said earlier, ADHD is a collection of common traits from a combination of genes + early childhood experiences so your spouse could still have several traits of ADHD without any official diagnosis (or need for it, for that matter).

So when it comes to tasks, the biggest mistake I made and that I see other wives making, is that we tell our husbands exactly what we want them to do. This seems fine in theory, but you’re dealing with a very intelligent person, with a mind open to so much data that he or she could probably build a rocketship if so committed to such a thing.

Know that they are capable of much more than you think and believe in them to be able to solve problems. In fact, they’ll likely thrive in it.

Make Requests Using Good Leadership, Knowing Their Challenges and Strengths

So now that we’ve established that they’re brilliant, you need to learn how to ask for help differently. Like a good leader, you’re going to evaluate their strengths and challenges. What do they like doing? What are they great at figuring out? What do they have the “manpower” to accomplish? What tasks do they thrive in, where you may want to avoid them (a big one seems to be the ability to get down and play with the kids with dolls or dinosaurs — we seem to struggle where their present focus is helpful)?

Once you’ve determined those strengths, think about their challenges. What do they hate doing? What do they have no experience in, whatsoever? What do they put off constantly?

Now, rather than wishing they’d be different, consider this experience level when you make your request.

If they have no experience whatsoever, you’re going to need to give a specific, detailed, easy request. Really spell out for them exactly what they do, step by step.

If they have lots of experience, just state the problem, your observations, maybe why it’s bothering you, or your vision for it, and stop. Allow them to problem-solve and come up with a solution. Allow them to WANT to act. As wives, we get too used to just barking an order and wanting it done immediately. Give your out-of-sight-out-of-mind spouse a reminder of the problem and then let them solve it. Be sure to download my 30 Texts for Asking for Help Without Starting a Fight to see 30 examples and templates of how to do this.

Be Prepared to Outsource the Tasks That are a Challenge for Everyone

Look, by the nature of the fact that we call into our lives the spouse who’s perfect for our own healing, there’s a good chance that you ALSO hate the same tasks that your spouse hates. You may hate getting the dishwasher unloaded just as much as your husband does. You may really struggle with creating order in your own life.

At some point, it becomes easier to outsource the tasks that are challenging for both of you. In business, this is what we do. We don’t keep doing the things that aren’t in our zone of genius. You’re the CEO of your home and that doesn’t mean that you don’t rely on your team, both your internal team (family) and external one. Hire that cleaning lady, download a meal plan (or better yet, try my Mom’s Restaurant meal system!)

Work toward bringing in balance. When we decided that my husband’s huge challenge was chores, we both came to an agreement that he would become the primary breadwinner and I would take care of the house and family. Prior to that, we paid a cleaning person, but even that wasn’t enough. I was still too burdened with two young children and a full-time job to keep up with everything and still have time to take care of myself. You can’t put yourself off until the weekend!

Step #5: Mature Even Further By Establishing Healthy Habits

Make Your Life Easier by Seeing What Bad Habits are Stressing You Out

The truth of the matter was that I struggled as much as my husband. While I have learned how to manage my ADHD traits (and am undiagnosed), I realized that a lot of my anger was coming from the fact that the organization kids really challenged me. I wanted a partner to support me because *I* was struggling too, big time.

Reading Atomic Habits by James Clear really cemented for me that it was less about my willpower or even my wounds, my poor habits were about not having the right environment for good habits when I was growing up. So another way that I could heal and mature was to start shifting my environment to support good habits and stop supporting bad habits.

I took a personal inventory to figure out what bad habits were really holding me back (hint: they mostly had to do with social media) and then started making changes.

Establish New, Good Habits that Support You to Have Less Overwhelm

My most consistent and major aha moment throughout new habit formation has been that I must have small habits daily to support my overall success. Rather than cleaning the entire house on the weekend, I have to give it 15 minutes in a different zone every day (I love the Home Routines app for this). I have to run the vacuum every day. I have to meditate every day. I have to do one smaller load of laundry every single day.

Then there are some things I have to do every week. I have to plan for the next week every week. I have to plan the next weekend every week. I have to look at my business goals weekly and plan them quarterly. I have to get groceries every week.

These smaller habits make my life more manageable and I end up accomplishing so much more than if I just try to devote a day to something. Instead of getting overwhelmed as everything piles up like a big snowfall, I just return the few flakes that accumulate each day. I watch Masterclass while I fold laundry and have set up rewards and systems to keep my habits on track. I love habit setting so much that it’s a huge component of my Happily Ever After Marriage Coaching Program that clients go through in Module 3.

Set Up Systems While Also Lowering Expectations

Finally, the ADHD husband or wife is going to benefit from great systems. When I took the Clutterbug organizational style quiz, I found out that I like my things micro-organized (down to the smallest detail) and, for the most part, hidden away. Only with some tasks do I like everything right in front of my face.

My kids and spouse, on the other hand, are macro-organizers. They like a “toy box” rather than a “dinosaur box”. They like things they need to remember right in front of their faces. If I want my husband to never find anything, I can just put it in the fridge! It is seriously that easy for something to disappear from his mind. He never has a reason to open the fridge, so he forgets everything we buy that needs to go there. So to ensure that my kids and husband could actually help me maintain the systems I established, I had to make sure that they were suited to THEIR organizational style.

I switched over to clear bins that hold broad categories of items. I organize things in the open, on walls or shelves, where they will see them. I make sure that the home for their things is obvious and easy to use. Another tip I only recently learned was that I had to set up systems that had room to grow. And I had to regularly declutter and empty the systems we have. It doesn’t matter how great a system is if it’s overflowing and no one can use it. The example I saw was the cart corral at the grocery store. Great system, but if it’s full of carts, what do you do? It becomes unusable. So I had to perfect these systems.

I also had to lower my expectations. My husband will never be me, and that’s a good thing. He taught me a lot about how to be present in the moment and have more fun. He brings an essential amount of life and knowledge to our family. Loving him and accepting him exactly as he is has helped me with my anxiety and neverending quest for perfectionism. Once I realized it was simply organization I was after so I wouldn’t feel like I was the one who was going to ruin our kids, I realized that he could be exactly how he is and I could still be happy.

Your Kids Need to Be Raised by Two Adults

It may sometimes feel easier to go find someone who’s got it more together, but I promise you that your degree of healing is reflected in your husband. Even though it seems like he’s the one who has the longer distance to grow (if he’s the one with ADHD), it is BOTH of you who have an equal distance to go. This parent-child dynamic you’ve been a part of in your marriage has meant that both of you are getting by on crutches, gently nursing your wounds and immaturity rather than facing them head-on.

And what does that create?

A child with ADHD.

That’s right. Your kids are highly likely to have it now too, and the best hope for them to be successful, happy adults is to show them mature, adult parents now. Grow yourselves up now and give them a fighting chance at maturing while they’re still under your roof. Self-regulation is the key to great parenting and you have the power to do that now.

If you’d like to take your personal growth work deeper and start repairing your strained marriage, I invite you to join my Happily Ever After Marriage Coaching Program. I help daughters of parents who were in conflict or divorced use the conflict in their relationship with their ADHD spouse to grow in self-awareness and create exactly the relationship they want without leaving the one they’re in.

You can read more about this work in my books, The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage, or Love Him Again: A Step by Step Guide to Saving Your Marriage.

ADHD Doesn’t Have to End Your Marriage

Remember, you are not alone. There are moms all over the world tonight who are as sweet and patient as they can be with their kids who have screamed at their husbands for not loading the dishwasher. You’re both a product of your childhood, and having kids has awakened all that. It’s ok to love your kids more than you hate your husband. It’s ok to stay together and to be worried about what it’s doing to your kids. But the answer is the same no matter what you do: Kids need parents who had the courage to grow themselves up.

Kids should not have to recover from their childhood.

Give them the adult parent they need by using the challenges and conflicts in this relationship to heal and grow.

Remember The 5 Steps to Make Your ADHD Marriage Survive:

    • Know Where ADHD Originates
    • Step Out of Your Role in an Unhealthy Dynamic
    • Heal & Mature, Neurologically & Psychologically
    • Develop Good Leadership Skills & Empower Your Spouse
    • Mature Even Further By Establishing Healthy Habits

If you allow it, this marriage will change both of you for the better and give your kids exactly what they need to be successful, happy adults who are able to find and establish healthy relationships of their own.

Don’t let ADHD or undiagnosed ADHD end your marriage. Let it propel you forward into a life full of the joy, peace, harmony, and happiness you deserve!



Beth Rowles
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1 Comment

  1. Diane

    Thank you for writing this. I was beginning to think I was on a path alone; seems I’m following in your footsteps. You are spot-on with this information. You have given me hope that I can not only survive this journey, but I can even be happy and healthy while doing it.


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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.


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"Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns."

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Love Queen, Enneagram 5, Child Prioritizer, Problem Solver, Book Lover, Authenticity Expert, And Your Marriage Saver

I’m Beth.
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You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!