6 Mistakes Most People Make When Setting Boundaries

Behavior, Boundaries, Connection and Empathy, Husband, Parenting
April 22, 2019

The Authentic Wife and Mom

Beth Rowles | The Conscious Marriage Coach

Have you always wondered what boundaries really are and how to hold them with your family?

In this six-part series called Getting The Love You Deserve, I address six common mistakes most people make when setting boundaries. It answers the questions:

1. What are boundaries?
2. How do I hold a boundary?
3. What boundaries should I hold with my kids?
4. Why don’t they listen when I enforce them?
5. Why do I feel guilty when I hold them?
6. Why do people keep violating my boundaries?

Enroll Now

I wanted to do what was best for my child when it came to setting limits, but I had to rely on research to figure out what was healthy because I knew what I was shown wasn’t it.

The old authoritarian parenting paradigm leaves us ill-prepared to instill healthy boundaries because it was based on violating ours.

Even the emotion of anger, which alerts us to a personal boundary violation, was rejected— or expressed onto us by parents whose own needs weren’t getting met.

I’m passionate about helping others with setting boundaries and holding limits because they are the foundation for how we consciously relate to ourselves and others.

?? My Boundaries Course is available now!

Learn more about:

? our own personal boundaries with our partners and others
? what limits to hold and how with children
? what children need to be able to hold their own healthy limits as adults
? what to do when our spouse violates a boundary

And more! Please join my tribe of authentic awakened mamas who are champions for children here.

6 Mistakes Most People Make When Setting Boundaries by Beth Rowles

Boundaries Masterclass

Mistake #1: They Don’t Even Realize They CAN Hold Them

Because the old authoritarian parenting paradigm violated our boundaries as children,
we may not even realize that we have a right to move away from behavior that violates
our physical, emotional, intellectual, sexual, material, and time boundaries.

Mistake # 2: They Think A Boundary Means They Should Withdraw Love

Holding limits when others violate our personal boundaries teaches them how to love
us. It doesn’t mean that we have to end relationships or storm off when they’re
violated, it means that we clearly set expectations, communicate when their behavior
crosses our limit, and move away from continued boundary-violating behavior.

Mistake #3: They Create Too Many For Their Kids

Boundaries should teach kids how to love themselves. They can boil down to four basic
boundaries. They are: Respect for Self, Others, Our Things/Space, and our Mind.
This means that we hold limits for things like bedtime, brushing our teeth, tidying up
after ourselves, school/higher learning, fighting, and more. When their behavior
doesn’t affect their health or well-being, we allow natural consequences to teach.
We control the conditions when it comes to things like screens or food, not the child.

Mistake #4: They Don’t Model The Boundary

Everything we want to teach our children or experience from those around us, we must
first model. A parent that doesn’t tidy up after themselves cannot enforce a boundary
with their kids to tidy up after themselves. Likewise, a parent that doesn’t speak
respectfully to their child cannot enforce a boundary when their child speaks
disrespectfully to them.

Mistake #5: They Don’t Energetically Hold The Boundary

Part of understanding boundaries is understanding that we have an energetic
boundary line. Hold your arm straight out and find where your fingertips end. Now
imagine an oval that distance from your body all the way around it. When someone
violates our personal boundary and we feel angry, that emotional energy should be
channeled into our boundary, making it stronger, rather than expressed onto them,
also violating their own boundaries. Keeping this energetic boundary prevents us from
feeling the emotional energy of others as our own.

Mistake #6: They Don’t Set Expectations

Sharing how, when, and why we’ll show up allows others to understand what we need
from, and can give to, them. Without this information, it could be easy for them to
violate a boundary without even realizing it.

Will you dive in deeper with me on this? I really want you to begin to understand boundary setting and limit holding so you can begin to make courageous change in your marriage or parent without anxiety. Please come join me in my online course, Getting the Love You Deserve. You can take it at your own pace and if you want to do more work, sign up for my signature course, The Authentic Life. Please read my book, The Authentic Wife to learn more about my journey to saving my marriage without marriage counseling.

Your kids are depending on you to model healthy boundary holding so they can thrive as adults. CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP NOW, it’s only $47 — less than one dinner out with your family!

-Beth Rowles | Family Alchemist™️

Beth Rowles
Follow me!


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.


Recent Posts




Save your marriage from divorce coaching course book Beth Rowles relationship trailblazer. What's your Soul Truth in Marriage?

FREE: The Princess & The Peeve™ Instantly Take Control Of Your Life By Learning What Your Current Emotions Mean

The Princess & The Peeve Emotion Assessment Worksheet

FREE: Get 30 Texts/Scripts to Ask Your Husband for Help Without Getting Resistance

30 Texts to Ask Your Husband for Help Without Starting a Fight

Are You True to Yourself in Your Marriage? Read My Book, The Authentic Wife:

The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage by Beth Rowles

Learn How to Love Your Husband Again, Even If It Feels Like It's Too Late

Love Him Again: A Step-by-Step Guide to Saving Your Marriage by Beth Rowles

6-Month Marriage Coaching Program for Wives Contemplating Divorce

Happily Ever After 6-Month Marriage Coaching Program

"Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns."

--Dr. Laura Berman, Quantum Love

Love Queen, Enneagram 5, Child Prioritizer, Problem Solver, Book Lover, Authenticity Expert, And Your Marriage Saver

I’m Beth.
Your Authenticity
[to keep it a Family] Coach.

You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!