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The Authentic Wife and Mom

25: Awakening The Masculine In Your Man

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Awakening the masculine in your man is exactly what most wives I know want out of their relationship. Masculine energy is the doing, protecting, and providing energy that, at its healthiest, makes a mother and her children feel safe and loved. The problem is that a lot of us women are now living in our heads, trying to fill both roles of provider and nurturer, and we’ve not left any space for the masculine in our husbands to emerge. We inadvertently coddle him and keep him feeling like mommy’s favorite little boy, which infuriates us, but we don’t know how to change it.

The men don’t care about your money. Men don’t care about your career. Men don’t care about any of that shit. They don’t, I’m sorry, have to be harsh, but like this is, this is what, it’s such a lemon you’ve been sold that to be a valuable woman, you have to be productive. No, that’s masculine. That’s masculine. You don’t have to be productive to attract men. You have to be feminine to attract men.

In episode 25 of The Authentic Wife Show, you’ll learn how the choreography of a healthy relationship dance begins with your energy, with Relationship Coach Andre Paradis.

 

 

You can also watch today’s show on my YouTube channel!

 

Some of my favorite takeaways from talking to Andre:

  • A masculine man doesn’t give a s#!t how much money his wife makes
  • If you (the wife) comes in swinging your balls (in the masculine), it does not inspire a man to do anything for you but run the other way
  • Recent history has afforded women many rights, including the right TO work, while nothing has changed for men. They’re still expected to trade their time for dollars and do the dirty jobs society still needs someone to do
  • The toxic men are boys, not men. Andre defines three types of males (which is your husband?)
  • When you get back into your body, you get back to your essence as a woman
  • Manning up causes women to attract boys in their feminine, which is frustrating eventually
  • Men feel a pressure in their groin all the time that is relieved through sex but they also get to their feelings, in their bodies, through sex.
  • Disrespecting men, putting them down as a human or being critical or cutting with your words is triggering (for obvious reasons)

 

(This is the largely unedited auto-transcription.)

Beth Rowles: Andre, I’m so excited to have you here because you can give us that perspective that a lot of my listeners need [00:01:00] to hear more about the differences between men and women and how that plays into a relationship. So you have this interesting backstory and you were just telling me about where you come from in Canada, Quebec City then that’s fascinating.

And you said you knew at nine. You didn’t need to live in a place with winter. And I’m on board with that . So you move or you went to vacation in LA and were scouted to be a dancer, which is awesome. Yeah. Um, but now you’re in this relationship coaching among other things. How did you go from there to here?

Andre Paradis: Ooh, my goodness. Trying to make that a short story. But I, we talked about this earlier, like I was, I felt like I was born in the wrong place in the world, in, in the snow bank. That was wrong for me, like just . But it’s also. The second fold has actually also felt I was born, born in the wrong family. Mm. I was five years old when I realized I don’t belong here.

These are not my people. They don’t like me. I don’t fit in here. Like, it was very strange at five to come up with this very scary, devastating at [00:02:00] some level. Um, cuz I was alone. In fact, in a family of seven, I was completely alone and knew that I was gonna have to raise myself, take care of myself, defend my, like, well, what happened in that moment?

The revelation, uh, is that I became super vigilant and aware of everything around me. So something like my radar went woo and started watching the world and people trying to understand first, how the hell is this possible, you know? And second, it sort of became like vigilant watching people in the world, you know?

Um, and in that I became fa fascinated with the human condition. You know, the more different somebody was, the more curious I was. Cuz I was an oddball, I didn’t fit anywhere. Right. Even when I got to school, I was the isolated one. That was odd. I was, because that was weird because like, how do. Function where you don’t feel like you belong there.

So that was so my observing, everyone observing it started at a five and I’ve been watching people since then. And [00:03:00] when you watch people, when you practice something this long, you start picking stuff up. You, you, you, you, you define and refine your, your radar if you want. So that’s been my operating system since then.

At 23, I started, uh, taking personal development. Trying to understand what the hell is wrong with me. Another layer, right? Like, cause I wanted, there was something in me that was like, something is very wrong, but you gotta work it out. Like there’s some, there’s something beyond, there’s something to work through.

There’s something on the other side of this that kept me from like killing myself. Literally. Like, it just so kept pushing, kept pushing, kept push it, you know, looking for outside help, personal development, I’ve. I have never stopped doing personal development. So it took me to, you know, dancing with Michael Jackson and Prince and Paula Abdul and its big masters.

As I got healthier and build myself my confidence and my talent, I had a natural [00:04:00] talent, which kind of came outta nowhere. Just a different story. But, um, so to get that level of success, that level of like, oh wow. Like, okay, so I, I could put a dent in this life. I could put a dent in this world, right? These, these.

Who gets to dance with Michael Jackson and Prince. I, I mean, coming from Canada in a snowbank, , you know what I mean? So that, so that kind of, when I got to that reality kind of opened up the channels of possibilities, you know, life became a different paradigm and I went from not wanting anything to wanted everything.

Like, oh wow, I could do this. Right? So like my, so Nana kept pushing more for what else could I do in this life? And there’s always this pulse in my. Of something, you know, bigger, bigger dancing with celebrities. Okay, but that’s not it. Okay. What is it? And then, um, got married and when we have decided to start a family and kids, I was not gonna be the guy who’s not [00:05:00] present.

That was my life. , right? As a kid. Like my parents were not there. So I was, I gotta be that father. So I opened a car business in Los Angeles to keep me grounded, called a phase two of my. I kept dancing, but locally, you know, doing the work locally. But pretty quickly within a year or so, the other business took me over and um, I got to build a life that bought a house in Los Angeles.

Had a business, a wife, two kids, like different life, but all a different bunch of goodies. I never thought I was getting married, I never was gonna have kids cuz it was miserable. And all of a sudden I have all of that . Wow. So, yeah. So fast forward personal development, the whole time. Business, business workshop, money workshop, get your shit together.

Workshop. Who the hell am I Workshop again, like another layer in la right? Constantly pushing, getting to that, whatever that thing that was pushing me. Um, 2006, I mean, I’m in Northern California and a business 3D workshop course on the [00:06:00] plane back. People that I met, there’s a couple I met in the workshop who were all sitting in the same room.

which I thought at the time was random. I don’t believe that anymore. Mm-hmm. . Um, and the woman says to me, she goes, what do you do next weekend? And I go, oh, I’m actually off next weekend. She goes, you wanna come to a workshop? It’s on me. Really? Of course, I wanna go to a workshop, especially if it’s on you.

Cause these, these are, they’re expensive as hell. Right? They can be thousands of dollars. Yeah. So I’m comped in, and I, and so, and I go, wait, wait, what’s the workshop? I say, yes, before I even know what it is. And she’s like, oh, it’s called understanding. And I’m like, okay, . I understand at the time, cuz of my artistic ways and my easygoing ways, I’ve always attracted sweet women, like my wife.

Like I never do, I never did the crazy stuff my friends did the yelling, the screaming, and you know, I didn’t, I just didn’t, it was always the smooth. Yeah. So I, and I thought I, so I thought it was a me. [00:07:00] I couldn’t tell you why, but I thought it was me. , . So I go, I go to the workshop a little bit of like, ugh, okay.

So I’m throwing one my weekend over this. Understanding women, I don’t, you know, by, by the, actually the time we’re married, uh, for many years, and the kids are small, but they’re, you know, three and four, I believe at the time, not looking for this. We’re doing fantastic, right? So I kind of backed into the workshop like, oh, but I said I would.

So I was there and. I remember walking in the space, it’s a big, um, ballroom in a hotel by the airport, and I walked into the space and there’s 400 people in there and all of a sudden went, oh, oh, this isn’t cute. Something’s going on here. Like, I felt it like something big here. Really. And sure enough, uh, at the end of the workshop, my brain’s all over the walls.

Like my, my, my head exploded. I could not. I realize, and it gives me goosebump to thinking it was crazy. [00:08:00] My wife says, I came home, I was pale. I was, I was so blown away. Cause I realized in that moment, in that workshop that I knew nothing about zero, about women, absolutely nothing about women really. But to me, what was more dangerous, I knew nothing about my wife, who I was little kids.

We’re married, right? All my siblings are married and divorced like two, three times. I have my angel, my baby, my wife, you know, like with my kid, and I may, I don’t know anything about her. You know, I don’t understand. Like I kind of had a sense in that, in that workshop, like that she takes everything personally, but I don’t know why and I wanna make her wrong for that.

You know, can you just stop, right? Like, that’s what we all do. I can’t tell you anything, right? Oh, this might as well just punch you in the head. You know what I mean? Like, we do stuff so differently we don’t understand. So like seven times in that workshop I literally slipped off my chair, like going like, I can’t freaking believe.

I’m learning and it was so, my brain of course, was to learn everything [00:09:00] was not gonna be a statistic cuz I didn’t know it weren’t gonna be a statistic. Cause I didn’t know. Right. So, and but it upset the hell outta me. Listen, I came home, I was white. She says you were white. So upset because I. There was

The liability was insane. So of course I went into learning everything the company was, was offering, because I’m a teacher, as a dancer, you teach by you. I was teaching my whole life. I became a workshop leader in a minute. For them that was gonna be like, ah, this is what I wanted. This is the, this is the pole, this is the, this is the thing in my gut, my whole life.

This was it. Interesting. And then that was how it launched. Ended up studying with other masters, so I. Going. Turns out that I didn’t want to teach that company after a while, that the, the, the, uh, politics were ridiculous. I don’t do ridiculous. I just, no, I’m not doing that. I get that. Um, but I kept studying with, you know, other masters, John Gray, you know, Mar Venus and Shanti Fahan in the south.

Um, what’s her name? Um, Esther [00:10:00] Perl, who’s now famous at the time she wasn’t. Oh, wow. Right. Like, these are the people I, and then Dr. Pat Allen, Los Angeles, a therapist, family, child, marriage, the. 46 years now, train one on one with her for three and a half years. Wow. So the package, you know, like I could approach this with me, you know, psychologically, physically, chemically, anthropologically, like I, the whole thing fits together from the, so that’s.

How I got to be here, .

Beth Rowles: Oh wow. Yeah. That’s, oh, that’s crazy that you just . I love the synchronicities that you were in the room with those three people and then one invited you to that and was crazy willing to pay for it. And it just sounds like it blew your mind.

Andre Paradis: Oh yeah, it was. It was wild. It was wild. It was.

It was absolutely. And then looking back, it was not random at all and it just, it was really that I could fork in the world in my history and that became, I called it stage three of my life. [00:11:00]

Beth Rowles: Interesting. I, uh, and I love also by the way, that you knew from your history that you wanted to do a little bit differently for your child and dove into that and I appreciate that.

So

Andre Paradis: thank you. Yeah, no, it’s, it’s funny cuz my kids, I have two kids that you know, and, and his friends like, My son’s friends are always here on the weekend. So my house is full of boys because I’m the place where they could be themselves and we’re cool. And then, you know, but how many times did I hear this?

And even my friends at one point, like, they watch me with the kids and they go like, damn, I wish I had a dead. Like you. Aww. And I, I usually go, yeah, me too. . Yeah. Right. Cause I, I’m like this because I, you know, by default. So yeah, that was, that was super important.

Beth Rowles: Ah, so needed. It’s so needed for, for fathers to be okay with being good conscious present fathers and not just providers or whatever else.

So speaking of that, and I can relate to my mind being blown [00:12:00] when I started to learn about men more and like, oh, okay, that’s why, and that’s, I’m excited to talk about that, but what do you think women do that keeps men. From caring for them, from protecting them or wanting to provide for the family. Why do we do wrong?

Andre Paradis: God, that’s a great question. Oh Lord. This could take a minute though, so, you know, bring me back if I go too far. But you know, it’s, it’s in a culture now. It’s the cultural pace. Since the feminist movement started in the sixties, we’ve been teaching women, you don’t only know men. Well, no, in the beginning it actually was more.

Choice. Like, you know, you wanna stay at home mom, be at home mom. But now we’re gonna open the doors for you to go out in the world and do anything you want. Because choice, were limited back in the days. Now, by the way, everybody, nobody talks about this, but choice. Were limited for men too. There was no choice.

You went to work. And by the way, men still don’t have any choice. You go to work. That’s true. Women had choice. You could stay behind with the kids. You could be a mom, you could have a side career on top of [00:13:00] that, right? You could. You have a lot more layers of options if you have a man to support you and you decide which way you wanna live, right?

So no options for women, no options for men, and there’s still no option for men. You get to work. I mean, or go to the Army. Right, right. Which is like, okay, die for us. That’s great. Yeah. like, that’s okay. No, not. I’ll pass on that. I mean, so, so that, that, that, that movement was good to liberate and give choice.

You know, to women and men, we didn’t get much as a choice really, except to, you know, become hippies and sensitive and not work, which made them complete losers and nobody respects a loser . Like nobody, no men are women. So choice. Okay. That started out a great idea and then it became this thing about, you know, the patriarchy’s, the enemy and women have to fight back because men are keeping him down.

Millennium. Providing, protecting, cherishing and [00:14:00] giving to women is a problem. Hold on one second. That’s, that’s where the patriarchy is, right? There’s men holding themselves responsible to provide and protect women, children, and everything that’s smaller to weaker the planet. Animals, right? Like this men defend, you know, injustice, natural, masculine, male.

Now we don’t. We have different types of male in our own culture. In my world, there’s three types of male, which kind of describes what I’m talking about, right? But the typical natural male fights for injustices will defend everybody who’s, you know, in trouble. Uh, you know, if you get, if your car breaks down on the side of the freeway, it’s not a woman who’s gonna pull up, it’s gonna be man.

Mm-hmm. . And by that man’s gonna be another man to make sure that man is not a douche bag. Right. So that’s, Because men also know there’s bad men out there to abuse, take advantage and hurt and all that shit, right? Those are my, in my world, they’re called boys. So three different types. So, you know, when you throw men under one blanket, men are dangerous.

No boys are dangerous. Men will protect [00:15:00] everyone from these douche bags. All right, so that said, right know, know who you’re talking about. Know who you’re dealing with. Know the difference, right? Like having a penis is gonna make. There was a man, all men does not make all men. Men. So back to our culture, we went.

So patriarchy’s, the enemy man, have became now become the enemy. So the feminist movement, feminist 3.0 we call it now, is anti-male, anti-man men. A toxic men are dangerous. Can’t trust them, they’ll screw you. No, those old boys, boys, men don’t do any of that. But it’s easy to go there, right? And so now think about this.

If you make half the planet wrong for who they. Here we are. So what women do is, you know, not their fault because, you know, it’s very, very hard to go against the, I call it the, the cultural tidal wave. I was just gonna say wave. Yeah. It’s a cultural freaking tidal wave that every now for some reason got in the wagon man are toxic [00:16:00] and all that crap, right?

And guys are like, really , right? So if you’re gonna treat me like shit, have a penis, guess what happens, man? Go like this. Right. Like they give up, they pull out, they like, why in the hell would I get invested and evolving around that energy? So this is what women don’t understand. You know, you want men to be men except you talk shit and you put us down and you disrespect us.

Left, right, and center. We’re the enemy. We should be born like women. If, if men were like women, the world would be a better place. . Bullshit, right? Bullshit because, To talk about stuff, to be sweet. Sensitive and vulnerable is one thing, and we need some of that. But that doesn’t make men do anything that doesn’t, that doesn’t empower them.

And what we need is men, you know, this entire world was built by man. Everything that you use, it’s invented by man. Everything that is built is built by man. Air, conditionings, walls, [00:17:00] cars, dishwashers, few ladies washing machines, free ladies, right? Like to free you from the burden of life invented. And so really men are toxic.

Men are dangerous. Men need to go to hell. Men need to step, like men need to step, step behind women. This is the big one for me, right? Like the idea that men were in front of women for millennia and it’s unfair cuz women are suppressed and oppressed. Yes, some I got it. Ultimately that wasn’t whatever. But now the cultural, the culture says now women need to step in front of men cuz men have been in front of.

Too long. So now men get the fuck off, get the step behind and we go, girl, and we take over and we do our way and it’s gonna be the right way. What’s a disaster, first of all? And it’s not about men in front or women in front. It’s side by side partnership, togetherness. You know what I mean? It’s cooperative cooperation.

That’s what the relationship is. This is [00:18:00] what men and women are about coming together to cooperate to. A new life, a new entity, a family. It’s not me in front her in. That’s ridiculous and that’s the problem. So, see I just go off. I’m so sorry.

Beth Rowles: What do you think? Because I know a lot of women, I would consider, I’ll just speak for myself and for, you know, then, then I see this in my clients too, as women who step really into their masculine because they feel they need to, to take care of themselves because either their parents weren’t there.

or they do end up in kind of a male dominated role and they have to do that to get respect or to step up. Then we start to feel like, uh, the men we’ve attracted are incompetent and we can’t rely on them to do anything. Mm-hmm. , do you think that comes back to just our mindset about them and how we’re speaking about them?

Or is that

Andre Paradis: those It’s, it’s it, to me, in my world, it’s energy. You know what I mean? So we’re both, as men and women have masculine femininity. We both have it. [00:19:00] So, but if you over calibrate in one direction, especially away from your own bodies. Mm. So a masculine woman will get shit done. But that, that repulses masculine men.

Mm. It’s disrespectful to my masculinity. So women can be badass all they want, and they wonder why nobody wants to date them because you keep pulling your balls out. Right. I don’t want your balls in my face. Nobody wants to ball in my face. Right. But women think, oh, I’m strong, independent. Okay. Okay, sure.

Buy yourself in your. You could be all that. I don’t want that shit. Right? So that’s a huge mistake right there. So you could be all strongly dependent and powerful, but you gotta leave your balls at work because men are not interested in that. If you want a strong man, if you keep, you know, walking around with balls out, you’ll attract boys.

Mm. Yeah. And boys are the soft, sweet, sensitive, and the, you know, the musician typically, sorry if you’re a musician, but that’s like that more artistic type, but not necessarily like, they just want to, you know, chill out on the couch and spoon the dog and [00:20:00] smoke and join when you, they go, you go, girl, get the promotion, right?

So they put you in the masculine role as you’re chilling in the feminine role. Now, polarity works. It’s still, there’s still polarity. Once masculine, ones feminine every, this is nature by the. Right. In nature, we have the m opposite of feminine, and that’s the magnetism, the yin and yang of our bodies. The ying yang, ying yang of life.

That’s nature. Everything in nature that’s polarized. Everything in nature is polarized, by the way. It’s the only thing that works, that expands that grow, right, that that produces ying yang. Mm-hmm. . And we think we’re gonna neutralize this thing and it’s gonna be better cuz it’s more fair. It fails this, you know, when you neutralize men and women energetically, they’re roommates, they’re brothers and sisters, you know, and so a lot of people don’t understand that they, they go from polarized to demoralized because the culture of their lifestyle.

And then they both end up having affairs because there’s, [00:21:00] there’s no dynamic, there’s no energy, there’s no pool. So it’s not, and again, so in my world, it’s. Right. If your woman stays stuck in a m, she’s attracting feminine man. She’ll think that’s all, man. And they get angry and bitter. Don’t feel safe. They feel abandoned.

They feel lonely. Everything’s on them right. They’re resentful. They feel abandoned by life and world where all the man, well, well, you get, you don’t get to meet them. The real man would see you and energetically just go, go, hell, no. The good. Understand that when you mask it in, stuck in your m. Male, natural, masculine, male, literally avoid you like the plague.

You’re so fucking irritating. The pace of your voice, the tone of your voice, the handle that, you know what I mean? The multi managing, the talking too much. They’re coming after everybody. The righteousness. They mentally would say hi. They go, woo, fuck that shit. And you think that’s. and then you attract boys and they take advantage of you.

[00:22:00] They move into your house, they drive your car cuz they can’t fix their piece of shit, right? They like, like you walk in their dogs cuz they won’t. Right? Like, and, and you, you know, but they’re sweet and sensitive and they’re good in bed and they’re like, talk, you know, you think finally you got one who’s sweet and six months later you wanna wear the fuck cap into your life.

Wow. So what

Beth Rowles: do you, how do you, I always tell my clients like, you have to create space for their masculine to emerge. If you’ve already set up this dynamic, you’ve gotta step out of your masculine and get, so how would a woman begin to, maybe you don’t know. This necessarily, but what would you tell a woman who’s trying to reduce the masculine energy and be more in the

Andre Paradis: feminine?

This is my work. This is all I do every day of my clients. This is all I do. Oh, wow. Right. Cause all my clients come in with like, I don’t understand. I’m pretty, I have money. I have a car, I have a house, I have apartment. I’m, I’m 38 years old. I’m beautiful. Nobody wants to date me. And if I get a date, I can’t get ghosted.

I never get a second date. I go, honey, that’s your. You act like [00:23:00] a dude. You talk like a dude. You think you’re tough. You think that’s interesting. You show up on a date with, I’m a CEO and doing that kind of money and my next person, you know, and the guy’s like what? The men don’t care about your money. Men don’t care about your career.

Men don’t care about any of that shit. They don’t, I’m sorry, have to be harsh, but like this is, this is what, it’s such a lemon. You’ve been sold that to be a valuable woman, you have to be productive. No, that’s masculine it. Mm. That’s masculine. You don’t have to be productive to attract men. You have to be feminine to attract men.

That’s what men are looking for. The side of them, they don’t have your warmth your loveliness. Your radiance you. Wow, babe. Way to go. We got this right to like, to be at a side and to sort of be a beacon of, of, of, of. Of support the way man needs to be supported because we both need support and appreciation with it.

Both very, very different. Another layer. So not understanding any of that, you know, thinking that to be, you know, that the stuff that you do is interesting. The man that is not [00:24:00] men are looking for this warm, sensual energy that is feminine. That’s what I’m looking for, man. Worked their asses off all day. So is the ladies, you know, but that’s why you’re stuck in your mask and you don’t know how to change.

So my work, my clients, they come at me because they finally get that they were sold a huge lemon by their mother, by their culture, by their sisters, by their friends. Go, girl, no man. And they’re like, you know what? I make money and I’m miserable. I have an apartment. I don’t care. I’m lonely. I want companionship.

I somebody to kiss me, love me, touch me, adore me. I just wanna be a girl. They have 38 years of training away from that. So they don’t know how to do it. Right? So how do you bring a woman back into her body? That’s, that’s my work. Because as you bring it back into your body, you get back into your essence as a woman.

You know? Cause to be m is to be in your head, to be feminist, to be in your body. Oh wow. Okay. You see it? So man, live in their heads. We need you to get, get us down [00:25:00] here where you like us the most. We need your feminine energy. Now your balls. Now you’re masculine and pulse, right? Because what happened is if you ma, when you masculine in your head, I’m in my head, we’re gonna on a date, this’s dry toast.

There’s nothing here. And she talks about her money and her success and what? She’s like, what? Who cares? Who cares? Right? Now the boys are being impressed by that because they wanna move in and you pay for them. But the man. Irritate you. So you see it. ,

Beth Rowles: did you just say that it’s hard for a woman to shift gears?

Like so for example, I feel like I do have to be in my masculine to take care of stuff. Of course. Uh, just cause that’s what I have to do.

Andre Paradis: It’s part of, part of life, of course. Okay.

Beth Rowles: Yeah. So how do. Do you like? I I, so this is, I did a video recently for like Facebook TikTok reels. Yeah. And I was giving women tip about how to use like, visual imagery to get back into their [00:26:00] body.

Yeah. And so, like, it went viral a little bit because so many people are like, what drugs are you on? , why do you have to do that? And stuff. So yeah. How

Andre Paradis: do you shift gears? ? I get like, I, it’s, it’s, it’s, it is a matter of life’s style though. Now of course, women. Women are out there working like men, you know?

And the price to pay is your family disappears with that. Yeah. Right. And if you over extend yourself, interestingly what happens, see as well, it’s the more masculine you are. It’s a habit. It’s a practice. You know, it started when you were five years old, what you can do when you grew up. Little girl, we used to ask men that, not anymore.

We want to shut up. And we would probably push the wind in front. What are you gonna do when you grow? How much money you gonna make, you know what I mean? You know, go ahead and get yourself safe and secure. Don’t be dependent on man, don’t be like, your mother will say like, don’t be bullshit. Right? Like, why do you buy the world’s bullshit as opposed to finding your own, you know what I mean?

I understand we wanna be preemptive and learn [00:27:00] from other people’s mistakes, but like, that’s, that’s not a mistake. That’s sort of like, that’s sort of like, that’s toxic. People will tell you, you know, they get stuck in their bullshit and they’re. Spread that around like is the truth now it’s their truth.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like so a lot of marriage is very successful. A lot of marriages go on, like, by the way, 50% divorce rate is lie. That’s not true. It’s actually the real number is about 26 to 27%. Interesting. See again, cultural bullshit lies. So it’s trying to scare people into don’t do it. Don’t do it.

Don’t do it. Right. And where a lot of people succeeding because they’re smart, they do the work, they research, they study, they learn about men and women. They cross the bridge into the, so it’s not that hard. But the longer you’ve been, and typically women respect their masculine, have some kind of injury in childhood.

That had them not feel safe as little girls. And when we know this, this is psychology 1 0 1, if a little girl didn’t feel safe as a little girl, she has to [00:28:00] man up. And this is the beginning of manning up. And so you, your, your feminine side doesn’t get developed because it can’t. No daddy, bad daddy, abuse of any kind, neglect, you know, whatever.

Whatever it is. And we all have some of that. Yeah. But if you have a little too much of that, or if you, again, just no feeling safe as a little girl, you man up and you man up and you handle shit. You’re good at business and planning and plotting and logical, linear in your head, working out, you’ll survive because you have no choice.

You’re on. . What happens later on in life though, is that all catches up because those, there’s a natural instinct in that to, to, to, to protect you and to make you thrive. Except 20, 25 years later, that same mechanism is keeping you from living. Mm-hmm. . Cause you, you’re so masculine, you don’t know how to be feminine.

You, you repulse man, you don’t know. . You don’t know how to be vulnerable. You can’t ask for help. You don’t know how to let go of control. [00:29:00] You manage everything and micromanage everything. You make everybody fucking crazy, like if you take it all the way, right? Women, this one, my sister’s, one of you, like one of those makes everybody fucking crazy.

And she’s beautiful. She looks like me, Ryan, right? Beautiful girl has money. She’s like dressed incredible, but she walks in a room and she creates tension. Really energetically, a woman, a feminine woman, walks in the room and warms the whole place up. Oh wow. A masculine woman brings tension in the room and you wonder why you don’t need men, cuz they’re already out the.

This is good. Did I, I’m sorry. Did I just go off? You know what I’m saying? So there’s a practicing getting back into feminine. My point is there’s typically an injury, a trauma, and a manning up for man. Same with the boys, by the way. The boys are injured where they don’t have a daddy role model or overly cuddle by their mothers, and they believe that women are here to take care of them.

As opposed to them taking care of women so they’re soft and sweet and expect the world [00:30:00] to kiss their ass. And they’re entitled Same, same problem the other way, right? So there’s an injury there. You have to handle your shit, you have to fix that stuff, get back to your essence if you’re female, right? Re cultivate and nurture your feminine back.

You have it as inside you. You’re a girl, it’s in there. She’d just be buried on 30 years of shit. But, so that’s what I do. My work is I bring women back into their bodies, into the feminine, their energy. Open those channels and they start radiating warmth, which is feminine energy. They know how to be masculine at work, but when they get off of work, they know how to switch.

There’s a bunch of little, everybody’s got a different way of rituals to do this, and all of a sudden after work, there’s a woman in the world who smiles and is happy and radiating, and men go, hi. As opposed to avoid the hell outta her. Right. So it’s, it’s a practice, it’s a, it’s a practicing and getting back into your essence.

I do the same with men. So it’s, it’s a little bit of work, you know, but it’s worth a few months of your life. It’s [00:31:00] worth the lifetime of really getting the dream life that you want. Do you think it’s

Beth Rowles: hard for men who’ve been in their feminine to step into the masculine? Or is it

Andre Paradis: easier for them? It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s a little bit more linear.

It’s a little more obvious on some level, but not really. It’s just typically, so, and again, my world, three kinds of men, right? They’re, they’re men, they’re guys and they’re boys. So the boys are the ones who know daddy typically injured as a, you know, no overcoming. Race to be feminine, sweet, and sensitive and, and so I’ve never seen a boy recover from being a boy really?

You know, because they think it’s cool, they’re comfortable, they deserve it, they’re entitled, right? And they’re manipulative. Those are the cheaters by, those are the cheaters. The liars are scammers. Those are the ones who will. Abuses women, the children, right. They have no power. Wow. Because they don’t have balls.

They have no power, but they’re still are testosterone driven, so they have that [00:32:00] kind of angst about them. And so the lack of power, because they’re not developing their manhood, they go and overpower everything that’s weaker, typically women and children. And still, I wanna work, you’re stupid for working.

Right? But they’ll, they’ll steal it. Just scam it. Everybody in jail is a girl with a peanut. They’re all girls. Secure, don’t know who they are. So they try to scare people trying to make an impact and be relevant because they’re complete irrelevant. They don’t do shit. They know it, they’re nothing. Men do the opposite.

Men go conquer their lives and their, you know, their career and their character and they build themselves up. They build the confidence by fighting and pushing. So, boys, I’ve never seen one recover. I’m sure it’s possible, you know, if I got ’em early enough. Him to see the disaster that he’s building for himself and in the world.

They’re, they’re terrible. Those are narcissists, those are the killers. I mean, those are, um, guys in the middle guys have been shamed [00:33:00] about being masculine to the level that man naturally are, but they’re masculine enough that they actually have a little job, have a little car, have an apartment with three roommates, right?

They manage life domestic enough, and just when it comes to. They back right up. The good news is, they, they, these, I have a men’s group and that’s my boys. They, they’re like, there, they, they understand, they understand that they’re, they feel small in a lot of ways. They are, but they don’t wanna be. Right. So those are the ones who go, so how do you get to be you?

Right? Like, and I find all those guys at the gym cause they train every day and they see me pull out my fancy car. And what do you do? I’m membership coach. You know, how do you do that? How do you know? And so like I could, I collect them because they look at me like some kind of role model I have. I have everything.

I act, I have everything. I absolutely have everything. Like I have everything. Yeah. The wife, the kids, the money, the cars, the house. Like I have everything. Right. And they kind of like, [00:34:00] so like, I want some of that. How’d you get there? How’d you get there With the long hair? They like freak dancing. What, what?

You know what I mean? And so, and I become a mentor to them. And so these guys want it. And those, when they, when I teach ’em what to do, how to go after their fears, how to push for their lives that they, they go, they just go as beautiful in months, not years. So, yeah, so guys can change, manage just men, you know, and you don’t, you have a whole different way to deal with them.

Beth Rowles: All right. So I have a question. Yes. I wanna take you somewhere else, , because this is a big problem for, for all my clients. Mm-hmm. . Um, do you think that that kind of angst that you described, or that feeling small that you described translates to. Desperation for sex, or is sex completely unrelated and all men have to have it all the

Andre Paradis: time?

Well, sex. Sex is nature. Sex is nature, [00:35:00] right? Like we’re, we’re made to spread our seeds. If you consider, if you consider it’s a biology, you know, a woman has in her lifetime, three to 400 eggs available. To, to fertilize, right? You have millions, but you lose 10,000 every cycle. There’s only one that’s any good.

Every cycle. You lose 10,000 every month. You know, if you knew that, right? So you have th millions of eggs, but it’s only three to 400 that actually could produce an offspring Man in one ejaculate produce between 250 millions to 1.1 billion sperm cell. Wow.

Nature has that, that shit’s gotta be out there, you know, constantly. It’s a way of, it’s a way of keeping the, you know, um, the species going. Right, right. You ladies, you know, when you get horny in that cycle of the month, that one or two days when you’re, you’re, you’re fertile and you have that, that pulse of like, you just white, you want Yeah.

Imagine being like this all the time. Every day we like, [00:36:00] that’s man, the testosterone, that pulse is a pulse to get that thing. Pressure in my groin all the time to relieve the pressure. Wow. Right. That’s why men masturbate so much. This is really the pressure. So like, that’s nature. That’s animalistic, that’s not sexy.

That’s not necessarily PC in any way. Right. But that’s nature. So part of the, the other, that’s the mechanical animal part of it. The human part of it is that

for a no more feminine woman, sex is a big. For entire history of mankind, sex is actually very dangerous for women because women died, you know, in, in birthing babies a lot. And if you pick the, the guy who isn’t gonna stick around, right, like cave woman, pregnant, waddling in the woods is dead, right? It’s a liability both in being pregnant and.

After the pregnancy and even giving birth, right? [00:37:00] So women were very, very, very, very serious about letting that happen cuz it was always life changing and life and liability, not for men. For men is pressure relief, right? But if you go back into that understanding that, that instinctual understanding that for a natural feminine woman, she needs to feel safe to have.

To this day, right, like a normal woman needs to feel that the guy’s a good guy, that he likes her, that he kind of cares for her before she can open up and be that vulnerable. It’s a huge, huge vulnerability. And so women who have a hard time vulnerability get drunk so that that vulnerability comes from the alcohol, then, you know, they, they’re not interesting.

Right. And how many women have to get drunk to have fun and have sex like men. Interesting. And the next day feel like the walk of shame and, you know, interesting. Anyway, so normal woman needs to feel [00:38:00] connected, feel safe, needs to feel somewhat cherished by a man in order to open up. Right. You need to feel safe to open up.

Right? So you need to, to, you need to, to be connected to your feeling. You have to feel right to open up. Are you ready? Men? Cuz we’re stuck in our heads, has to go through our bodies to feel so to, for male, the humanity of men having sex. Besides this, the biology of pressure, right? And relieving that need.

This is when get men get emotional. So men get to their feelings through their bodies with sex. Women have that fear, the feelings first, you know, before to have sex. Men get to their feelings through their bodies with sex. So there’s two layers. Why we always have sex. You see it. Seems like

Beth Rowles: a cruel device of nature to, and so they have to orgasm first and then warm

Andre Paradis: fuzzy.

Yeah. It’s a, it’s, everything in [00:39:00] nature is like this. Everything is exact opposite for men and women. It’s, it’s a cosmic joke, everything. You know, like she needs to be, feel connected to have sex. He needs, he needs to have sex to connect. You know what I mean? After the fact, she wants to talk and she’s full of energy and, and, and happy.

He wants to fall asleep. Like everything in every way is like in all levels. Like talking about like everything that we do is in opposition and that’s the point. That’s how we complimentary. Ah, it’s not one better than the other. It’s not one in front of the other is we come together and create something new together.

Mm-hmm. something beautiful, cosmic and godly about this. There is, right? So you have to see the value and you know, like each has a role and people hate that. And you know, stereotypes, the bullshit, no, there’s, you know what? The stereotypes exist because they exist because there is such a thing, a stereotypes.

It is women things and men things. And it’s essential for the polarity of us coming together. And this is how we actually compliment and complete each other on some level. [00:40:00] Everything that I do naturally, my wife doesn’t, I’m a. Everything that she finds interesting. Not so much for me, but turns around, you know, you know what?

She finds exciting little boxes in every corner of my house and pillows, you know, not, not so much, you know what I mean? Give some tools and motor oil, ah, , right? So it’s, it’s, we’re not the same, but we complimentary. She brings to the table something that I don’t have naturally in vice versa. It’s be. Do

Beth Rowles: you, you said that women have to feel safe to be vulnerable, and I think that’s a big problem too, especially if, if they are fully in the masculine and, and they like, feel like they can’t depend on their husband or something.

Do you think then that that’s when their, their husband is more fully in the masculine, he’s just, he is safe or is that something he needs

Andre Paradis: Absolutely. To call to? Absolutely. Absolutely. Now, sometimes the thing about, ha, let’s go there, right? But when a man is masculine, they’re hard to deal. [00:41:00] Masculine men because they literally have no, they don’t apologize for who they are.

They are who they are. They have their value system. They know who they, you know, you say yes or no. They don’t, there’s not a whole lot of MAs, right? They’re just binary, uhuh, we’re not doing this. Sure, let’s go. I’m, I’m let this get, I’m not asking again. Let’s go. Right? They’re controlling as hell.

Testosterone. So a lot of women have a hard time with masculine men because you feel they’re too big, they’re too loud, they’ll run you over. You’ll try to explain something. Ah, ah, you don’t wanna come I fine . Mm-hmm. . What if so natural males are big, right? It’s called a, like if you, if you’re familiar with, with horses, you know the stallions are big and dangerous.

Yeah. But those are the ones who make the babies, right? Those are the ones who, the power, the strength, their bodies is insane. They’re talking about testosterone. They’re dangerous to everybody. They go through walls. When they get smell female in heat, 1100 pounds, [00:42:00] 1200 pounds of meat, just right. So, you know, so what we do, we guild them, right?

We cut their balls and then they become softer and gentle and little bodies like women. Interesting. Interesting. Right? So my point is masculine men are very, very big, you know, and often a very uncomfortable to be around for women. However, there’s a. To have him adjust the bigness right at calling speaking Manish.

It’s a respectful language that I teach women to negotiate him off the rafters. Babe, you scan the children right now, you know, like how do you bring him down for the rafter? How do you bring him down for like, ah, whatever, or you know, running you over and kind of right, because ultimately that’s. That’s the adjustment that’s needed with these guys because they do everything right.

They provide, they protect, they give, they make money. They push. They don’t cry. They take responsibility for everything. Even then they’ll fix something that’s not theirs to fix. Just to fix it. That’s men. You know what I mean? But they’re hard to be around. They’re [00:43:00] big. So how do you, when you know how to approach them and ask for correction, a man who loves you will adjust, by the way.

Absolutely. I do it all the time. Teach women how to speak to him respectfully so that instead of going, where the fuck you talking about? He goes, well babe, when you do this, that’s what happens to me and it really makes you feel uncomfortable. Could. I’m just, I know you’re amazing, but when you do, this is what happens to me and I wanna call, could you?

Okay. , he’ll adjust if he loves you. If he doesn’t adjust now, he’s a narcissist. You have a different problem. Mm. But natural males want to please provide, protect, give, and I’m proud of it. And then I’m apologize for the bigness. So, and then, Right. So , I have one final question for you. And, and they make and say in that they make me move feel safe because she knows that he got it.

She know he is gonna defend, she know he’s gonna fight. She know he’s gonna protect her at all costs. And ultimately that makes you feel like a girl. So, [00:44:00] sorry, I had to finish.

Beth Rowles: No, no, that’s good to know. Um, , that just reminds me, my husband is big on protection. It’s a big thing for him. Mm-hmm. . And he has lots of guns.

And I always think that’s a man. Would you, would you actually wake up if you hear noise? Because I feel like I would wake up before you if I heard a noise, but I guess I could slap you awake. . You

Andre Paradis: do. And, and that’s factual by the way, right? A woman, a woman, never goes to sleep. A hundred. There’s 10% of you just always awake.

Mommy here. What’s that noise? Right? Because she’s weaker and safer. Like that’s, that’s again human nature. This is your bodies. This is Melin. This is cave woman. Yeah. Always sleep with the ear open in case somebody’s creeping up in the woods, right? Like so we go cold dead. So you’ll go, babe, there’s a noise in the.

Jump out a bit.

Beth Rowles: Jump up. Okay. . That’s good to know. Yeah, we’re like a dolphin. We keep half our brain on all

Andre Paradis: night. Yeah. No, no, no. Seriously. And you, you absolutely women. Women who build that way for [00:45:00] protection to, for it’s all survival. That’s very cool. It’s

Beth Rowles: all survival. So what I was gonna ask you is what keeps a man committed?

Is it just this energy keeping that dynamic, or is there something else that women need to be aware of that keeps. Or is this more for dating like but in the marriage, like what keeps him committed to her instead of, you know, looking outside?

Andre Paradis: Oh, that’s a big one. I dunno if I wanna give it away. Cause it’s hard to explain it a little bit.

It’s not hard to explain, but it’s like, you know, something I discovered through my work and with a masters that I work with and, and the avalanche of research and study that we all did. But one, one of the, I’m the only one who teache. It this way that I know of so far that both men and women have two different, um, what you call it, um, self doubt.

Two different self. And this is one of the big reasons why we collide and fall apart or don’t misunderstand each other [00:46:00] because we, my self-doubt is completely different than your self-doubt. Mm-hmm. and yours is so present that you can’t imagine that I can’t see it or feel it or know about it because it’s basically who you are.

You know what I mean? And so is mine, but we’re not aware of it. We’re not aware of how present it is, how it’s like never. We’re never without each of them on both sides, but we also have no idea what it. Mm. So that trigger here is, you know, for a woman, I’ll give you the woman’s side cuz it’s easier to explain maybe a little bit.

But for a woman, basically your self doubt is, am I lovable? Am I really lovable? Mm. Can somebody, a man, my husband can, can he really love me in this body with all my flaws? Cuz you are aware of all your flaws. We don’t see any. But you are right with all my flaws and this body with who I am inside, because am I really lovable?

Can somebody love me forever? No. [00:47:00] That’s what you’re thinking, right? And so what happens the moment we do something a little bit off, we get to call you and I say, let we call you or forget to buy you something for your birthday. Like every time you’re hyper percent to see. If you love Mihi, if you love me, you would.

Right? So every little fucking thing that you experience that’s hurting your feelings is showing you that you’re not lovable. It’s your heart cry. You’re never without it. I little girl forward, unless you do the work my, unless you do the work. But even then, it’s still there. It’s present do. If you get to be aware of that, then you can negotiate with yourself.

But most people don’t even aware that’s where they, they start from, right? They don’t know why they’re so sensitive. Why do you think everything personally, why? You know, he can’t criticize or say, babe, when you do, this makes me crazy. She’s crying and he is like, I can’t fucking tell you anything. Why? I’m trying to help you.

I can’t tell you anything. You’re like, you know, you not feel like shit cuz you’re crying and [00:48:00] now I’m the enemy cuz I’m trying to help you. Right? Like, why are you so fucking sensitive? Right? Because criticism feels like you don’t like me and you wanna change me and I’m not good enough. And there it is again.

My self-doubt. You understand? So a man’s self-doubt is completely opposite of that. And so not understanding that makes women destroy their man, their husband, their long term relat. The same way if I keep hurting my wife’s feelings, eventually she’ll take it for what, 10, 15 years and she’ll start believing I’m a big douche bag and she’s better off without me cuz I’m always hurting her feelings.

Right? I don’t wanna hurt her feeling, I don’t mean hurt her feelings. I’m not wired like her. So I don’t understand that self-doubt thing. Women do this stuff us all the time, really. So what you do to us all the time, I just even one word, the mechanics of it, cuz it’s deep and profound and must. Learn and investigate it.

If you wanna succeed in man long term, the same way we hurt your feelings all the time. Not knowing how. Why? Cause [00:49:00] we don’t know To you. It’s like he knows better. You should know me. No, he’s not a girl. There’s no sense of that. He’s just be himself. He’s just talking. He’s just saying. He’s just trying to help hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt.

The same way we heard you feeling all the time. You ready for? Mm-hmm. . Your ladies not knowing. It’s not your, Constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly disrespecting us. Yeah, sometimes on purpose. The culture is really good at it right now, but one on one not knowing what disrespect sounds like, looks like, feels like you do it to us all the fucking time.

The same way we heard you feeling. So there’s no winning, there’s nobody’s misbehaving, right? It’s just not knowing. And this is how you destroy relationship. Up to a while. What the fuck lose with these things? I can’t win. I can’t do everything. Right, right. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.

I’m outta here. [00:50:00] If you understand how that works and feed the beast as opposed to kill the bees. He’s never going anywhere. You’re the only woman in the world who gets him, understands them. Support. Alleviates the self doubt. Done. You have no competition. There’s no other chick in the world. I

Beth Rowles: wish we had more time because I that a lot from my clients and I’d love to dive into what really that means.

Tell them where they can go find you and learn more about this. And I also love the idea that you have a men’s group. That’s

Andre Paradis: fantastic. Yeah. That’s essential. These guys are confused, right? They’re, they haven’t been taught right, and they just, they’re, they’re in pain and they’re, they know they’re in trouble and they’re.

So like I, I’ve done men’s, men’s work since, God, 15 years now. So I was part of a mentoring, I was mentor by men and now mentoring men, uh, in my own group, um, for that reason and saved my life. Understand, like you, you don’t. It’s unbelievable. Anyway, so, but I have a gift for you [00:51:00] listeners, if you don’t mind.

Okay, sure. Please. Is that cool? Yeah. So if anybody resonated with what I’m saying, again, I teach nature and science. It’s not my opinion. I have opinions, but this isn’t like, this is not where it comes from. It’s not me teaching you what I think is right. It’s nature and science. If anybody resonated, um, if you go to andre group coaching.com, Andre group coaching.com, it’s a landing page that my team and I created.

It takes you to my calendar. If you pick whether a man or a woman, there’s a v i p one hour, um, exploratory call. They get that call, call, click on the calendar, find a spot that’s open, and there’s a short questionnaire. And what I’ll do is I’ll, I’ll basically have a one-on-one conversation like you and I having right now with somebody who’s brave is apparently it’s nerve-wracking , so you have to be brave.

But in that call, basically we dive into were you stuck? Were you stuck? What’s not working? Right. I’m really good at that call. We typically go into childhood and where the injury [00:52:00] was that got you too masculine and too feminine as a man, cuz we forget those things, right? So in 15 minutes we’re there, and then you come with the realization that there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just a product of your past.

Wow. That alone is liberating. It changed people’s lives just to understand that piece and then from there, like, so now we know what happened. There’s nothing wrong with you. We have to undo that, get you back, you know? So from here, what’s the. What’s the dream? Do you want marriage and kids? Do you want just companionship long term?

You want, you know what I mean? What’s the dream? And then I tell ’em basically different ways that we can work together. Small, medium, large, extra large, whatever. So it’s very cool. People say that call that’s changed their lives. Just that understanding of what’s wrong with me? , take that off. So that’s what I’m offering again, andre coaching.com.

Everything else I think you’ll put in a link. My, yeah, absolutely. You know, my, my website, you could email me, um, email me. It’ll be on the thing Andre [00:53:00] Coaching one Gmail. Um, and it send you some material. You can go to my website, project equinox.net. You can spend the day on there. There’s many, many articles.

There’s, so if you want to dig it a little bit. So, yeah, that’s how you, that’s how you get to me.

Beth Rowles: Very awesome. Thank you so much for your time today for sharing all your knowledge and expertise. I loved it. Appreciate you being here.

Andre Paradis: Thank you. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s my life. It’s really fun and it’s fun to people, you know, I don’t know if you know this, but I also officiate weddings, so Oh, really?

Like I’ve done right before Covid, I did four of my clients. Uh, I have two that just got engaged. I’m going to Texas in March to next. Two, married, one of my clients and a new man. Oh. Um, one just got married and is pregnant. I couldn’t make that one. It was in Delaware. It was too far. Mm. Uh, circumstances midweek anyway.

Um, and then Texas. Uh, Texas. Um, Vegas. Vegas next March as well. So, nice , [00:54:00] that’s, that’s this for me. The work that I do is, is fun and it changes people’s lives, but to marry them at the end, I don’t know. If you could imagine what that feels like is.

Beth Rowles: No, I’d love to renew vows or something with my clients cuz they’re always on the brink of divorce and it’s fun to watch ’em come back from it.

Yeah,

Andre Paradis: right. And that’s satisfying. Yeah. Beautiful. So thank you for the work that you do as well, by the way. Thank you. Thank you.

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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.

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6-Month Marriage Coaching Program for Wives Contemplating Divorce

Happily Ever After 6-Month Marriage Coaching Program

"Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns."

--Dr. Laura Berman, Quantum Love

Love Queen, Enneagram 5, Child Prioritizer, Problem Solver, Book Lover, Authenticity Expert, And Your Marriage Saver

I’m Beth.
Your Authenticity
Empowerment
Consciousness
Marriage
[to keep it a Family] Coach.

You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!