20: How to Get Support to Achieve Your Dream

Podcast Episodes
October 16, 2022

The Authentic Wife and Mom

Beth Rowles | The Conscious Marriage Coach

Wondering how you’ll ever get support to achieve your dream? Maybe you hate your job but the pressure to provide for your family is just too much. Or maybe you’re already willing to take the risk to start the business, but your husband is totally stuck in scarcity and lack, afraid to put any resources into your well-thought-out idea.

In episode 20 of The Authentic Wife Show, you’ll learn how to get confirmation to take that leap from what society told you to do to what your soul is telling you to do, how to grow a truly supportive support team, and how to figure out what your dream even is.



Welcome back to the show. I’m excited to be welcoming my first guest ever to The Authentic Wife Show and I think you’ll find her as inspiring as I did. She’s a former hospital COO who chased happiness up the ladder until she realized living an inauthentic life would never make her happy no matter her title or how much money she made. Now a coach, consultant, and author, she is here to help others listen to their heart and pursue their dreams, from astronaut to athlete. If your dream is a long-buried seed or squashed bud, she’s here to help you replant it, nurture it, and bring it to full bloom. Please welcome Dream Pollinator and New Yorker Debby Kruszewski to the show.


(This is the unedited auto-transcription of our conversation because momma’s gotta go cook dinner after a long week!)

Beth Rowles: [00:00:00] Thank you for being here, Debbie. I’m so excited to meet you and connect with you today. This topic is very important to me, and I have so many clients who are thinking about their dreams and living in an authentic way, and they’re taking huge, brave leaps from the traditional path. So I can’t wait to explore this with you.

Um, so welcome.

Debby Kruszewski: Oh, thank you Beth, for having me. I really appreciate it and I’m looking, looking at you and you have so many signs and symbols behind you that are so, so much fun. I see some infinity and and a heart and I’m like, Oh my gosh, but, but you are beautiful, so I’m glad to be. Thank you. Talking with you and your, your

Beth Rowles: smiles.

So that’s, I, uh, have a lot going on. So like, my house re reflects me so many people. Oh, I love it. I’m like,

Debby Kruszewski: but I, by like all the signs and symbols,

Beth Rowles: which I love. Oh, um, I wanna talk about that. So, [00:01:00] I, Okay. Let’s just start off with how did you get into what you’re doing today? I know your background was different.

You are a dream pollinator. Tell me how you ended up

Debby Kruszewski: here. Well, I, I always felt like I was just, In the wrong place at the wrong time. Um, you know, I listened to everybody around me that was telling me what my dream should be and, oh, get this big, fancy career. And it never felt right, but nobody understood where I was coming from and I didn’t know anybody that was listening or was doing what I felt.

I didn’t see people living in their true purpose, or they were very happy. And either faking it or hiding it, or they just, that was their happiness. So I figured I’m doing, there’s a formula and I, I guess I’m doing it wrong. So I followed along. I, I went to school. I. Got [00:02:00] a good job right outta college. I stayed there for way too long.

I, and I moved, I just kept moving up because I was told, Oh, no, no, no. You got the more money, the better title. That’s where the happiness is. And I’d be like, All right, well some, it’s working for other people, so it, that must be it. And I’d get there and it’d be like, Well, this is worse than the job before

Oh, and I. Yeah, I just kept climbing and, and thinking I was gonna find it until I got where I felt was the height of my career of, of being in a sea level position, and it could not be more wrong for me. And I, and I, I knew that if I stayed, I, I was just going to be dead in, in six months for whatever reason.

Either I, it didn’t go out of my way thinking like how I was going to end my life. I just thought, Being in this life would, would end me. And, and, and I [00:03:00] just felt, I felt dead inside and I couldn’t look, couldn’t look at myself in the mirror cuz I didn’t even recognize that person. And I was disgusted by the whole thing.

And I just was like, God, I don’t know what to, what to do anymore. I. You know, I, I have a nice job and it’s definitely supporting me and, um, but it’s not answering any of my problems and it’s not making me happy and it’s not about the money and the title. I could care less about, um, what am I doing, and I just heard him say, I need you to start writing and just leave and don’t worry and I’ll take care of it.

And I was like, That sounds like a good idea. Cause ,

Beth Rowles: I love that message.

Debby Kruszewski: Yeah. Um, you know, I’m, there’s been so many times where I heard that distinct voice and. I, I ignored it or yelled at it and, and I didn’t really believe it was God until the message before that, which had been so [00:04:00] many years before that, uh, where I was like, Why didn’t I listen?

And I, I was like, That is was God. And I, and I was like, The next time he talks to me, I’m going to, to listen. I’m going to do whatever it is. And that, The message and, and I left. And that was, uh, back in 2017. Oh, wow. And I wrote three books in nine months and they were, I didn’t really, I was just writing and I wasn’t really going with it.

It needs to say this or this is the message. But the distinct message that came out was following your heart and, you know, trusting what your soul is telling you, what your gut is telling you, what your heart is telling you, and that it is from God. And that you are so loved and connected and you know, you ha I call it my cheerleader team.

You know, you’re, you’re people that, that, that in your life that have passed and angels and saints and, and definitely of course, God. So, um, you know, I am. [00:05:00] I, I, I just started seeing signs and symbols all over and I, you know, just felt loved and comforted and, and that message came out. So then I realized that I needed to take it a step further.

So I started doing speaking engagements and going on podcasts like yourself and. Um, taking it a step further, really working on helping people. So I call it the Dream Pollination program because everybody has a dream that they wish they could fulfill or that they wish that they had done. You know, it could be silly, could be very deep, it could be a career, it could be a trip, anything.

And I realize we’re all giving that as a sole purpose. So, I say pollination because my name in Hebrew is Devora and it’s represents the Be Seeker and the fees are pretty impossible. So they do. They just wanna make everybody [00:06:00] around them happy because if you’re happy, you’re successful, and. You know, everything is positive and wonderful and, and you just love your life.

So, you know, they are doing pollination all, all the time. And, you know, Honey is, is a curing, uh, used for cures and it makes you feel good and warm. And so everything they do is just beautiful flowers and making sure everything’s beautiful cuz all they want is success. Uh, and when you, you know, we all love.

Our first reaction when a beat comes, closes, is to us, We freak out and we start waving our hands where they’re just like, But you’re sweet and loving, and I just wanna give you a little hug. , they don’t wanna sting you. They just, you know, it’s, it’s a sign. It’s, it’s a true sign of, you know, they’re trying to tell you something of like cheering you on.

Like, I’m with you, I’m here. I just wanna let you know, like I’m cheering you on. So, so I call it the dream pollination program and it, and it’s just about getting yourself. Into the best version of [00:07:00] yourself because the more you are true and and nourishing to yourself, you’re feeding yourself goodness.

Then your. What, what your heart wants is starts to come out cuz we feed ourselves such garbage. I mean, watching TV shows that are violence and social media, everybody’s got a message and it’s not always positive and you’re always jealous of somebody. So we’re feeding ourselves all of this, and once we learn how to kind of rid ourselves of all this negativity, We getting closer to ourselves and really find what’s on our heart.

So it’s pollinating yourself and you know, taking care of all the important things you are, making sure your health is in the right place, making sure your finances are in the right place, making sure that you’re getting education that you need, you know, ongoing. Some people want. Further their education.

And that’s one thing, but always learning, you know, making sure you do have a strong [00:08:00] connection with God. Uh, you know, just really making yourself the most well-rounded person to be pure, to find your dreams and, you know, we create a path to get, to get there. Um, cuz they’re yours, they belong to you. And once you realize that and you’re like, I’m gonna do this, you’ll see all these doors open for.

Yeah. Oh

Beth Rowles: man. What courage it took for you to be able to like listen to that message and leave that job behind. Although, you know, I think it’s, it’s sad that sometimes we have to get to that point where it’s like a soul sucking, I’m going to die if I stay here. And he longer kind of situation. But you know, that’s what it took.

And then you took the leap and that’s. That’s just amazing because it just is so much courage to trust in that voice and to know, um, I’m gonna be supported. And I have experienced with that as well. I wasn’t in the soul sucking place, but I did take a leap like that from a job in engineering. And I remember my coworker saying like, You’re [00:09:00] doing what everybody wants to do.

I don’t think we realized how unhappy most people are in. Traditional path kind of role, and we live to make other people happy. You know, like we’re, we’re kinda like the bees and we’re just going along trying to make our parents proud or do the right thing or make the right money and that’s not where happiness is.

You mentioned when we started about signs and symbols and what do, why does that draw your attention? What do signs and symbols do for you, or how do you know when something. Is it, you know, assigned to, Hey, make this jump or go this direction?

Debby Kruszewski: I, I, you know that everybody’s answer is different and it, and it should be because they, they’re assigned for you direct directly and some of them are pretty common.

When I first really recognized that I was getting signs was. In kind of, of a prayer of desperation. It was an [00:10:00] exhausting, I was exhausted, I was confused, I was lost. And I realized that I, I actually just came back from a pilgrimage in Rome and it was so moving and there was so much to absorb and, and they, I, there’s so much that happened that I can’t even explain.

But I was getting so many messages and I just was overwhelmed by it. And I kind of in like a delirious prayer of like, God, I don’t get it. Like this is so much and you are asking me to do things and I don’t know what you’re asking. And I was like, Just, can you help me? And I’m, I’m eating pasta and crying and, and I was sitting in the bowl and all of a sudden I looked in the bowl.

And there was a heart, a spaghetti loop in a heart. Oh. And I was like, that was pretty loud. It, it, it just, you could feel the difference in the [00:11:00] air. And there was like, somebody was there with me and I was like, I don’t still have all the answers, but I know that that was from you telling me it’s going to be.

Yeah. And it calmed me down. And then I started seeing hearts everywhere. So if you go on my Instagram, you’ll, you’ll see I, I, I posted that heart with the, the spaghetti. Oh. And then I, I just was seeing signs, hearts everywhere. And people were like, Did you see your heart today? You know, like going, Did you see one?

No. Where, where, where? And then they just got deeper and. I was seeing feathers and then I was asking more direct prayers. So I was like, I would like to hear from so and so, or I would like an answer about a career move or you know, just any direct answer. And then I started to get pennies and I. I would get them.

And I was like, There’s [00:12:00] something I’m supposed to know from this, these Penn. Like, so I got one day, two at the same time and I just swooped them up and I was like, There’s something I’m, I’m supposed to know from these two pennies. And I was like, Well, what do you get from a penny? I’m like, Well read the year.

And I read the year, and one was 1984 and one was 1973. And I was like, Well, I have no idea what that means, so . But then I went, Well wait a second. I asked for somebody, I asked for a relative to semi, but it wasn’t, I didn’t say this relative or that relative, but I, I thought a little bit about it. 1984. , uh, I realized, or I, I, I went and, and found out was the year my godfather had died.

Mm. And he sends me lots of messages. In 1973, I knew was the, I didn’t remember when a good friend of mine, when she had passed [00:13:00] away, I didn’t remember the year she passed away, but I remember the year she was born, cuz she was a year older than me. And I was like, well that was the year of my friend Nicole.

Was born. And so it was from both of them and my friend Nicole, when she passed before she passed away. Uh, one of her favorite songs, and it was her wedding song as well, was that song Over the Rainbow. That’s like the guy sings with the ukulele. Oh, you know, I love that. You know, And I’m like, I can’t stand that song.

Cause she was like always, you know, she was always playing it or it was on a playlist or something. And she’d be like, Oh, great, because I’m just going, she knew she was gonna die at this point. She’s like, Great, because you know, you’ll, that’s, that’ll be my sign for you. So, Oh, really? I, I don’t hear that song often, but when I, I do hear it, I know that it’s her and I usually often see a rainbow not that much further.

So you, you kind of get one sign and then you, you [00:14:00] kind of learn to kind of take it a step further. And I always tell people, um, So just if you, you know, are excited about wanting to see signs and symbols or think that you don’t just say, I would like to see a yellow butterfly and I would like to see it in 48 hours.

And just write it down it and make a note of it. You know, just put it on something about writing it down. Um, you know, makes it a permanent, authentic and wait for what you see and you’d be amazed of how it shows. And, you know, you know, when I first did it, I was all mad. Oh, 48 hours, and I didn’t get one, but I was forcing myself.

I was on Pinterest looking for butterflies and Right. You know, I, I was forced feeding myself to butterflies just to make sure it happened. And I’m like, but it didn’t authentically happen. And I was really upset. And it was maybe like the 50th hour and all of a sudden I got an alert on my phone from [00:15:00] somebody that I don’t really know that well.

I had only spoke to her three or four times in the past year, and she tagged me in a post of a painting that she drew. That was a yellow butterfly. And she said, I don’t know, I just felt this, this feeling to tag these people, um, that needed to see this today. And I was like, I’d been waiting for my yellow butterfly in there.

It was. So, and you know, other people tell, yeah, fascinating stories, like maybe it wasn’t a yellow butterfly, but maybe it was a, a butterfly that came and sat on their finger, or, you know, just kept following them. You know, so everybody, it happens for people in all different ways. And just welcome it and just be excited of how it’s going to come to you because they’re everywhere.

So I, when we were talking before, I didn’t notice the heart behind you until like, let’s go. And I’m like, Wait, second. [00:16:00] Yep. And then I noticed behind you, You have the infinity and then I saw love underneath it and I’m wearing earrings that’d say love, which that would, Aw. Probably can’t really tell. And then is that an owl as well

Beth Rowles: behind you?

There is an owl there, . So

Debby Kruszewski: that is, is, yeah. A spirit animal that I, I get often of, of, yeah. Sometimes it’s like, um, A reminder of wisdom and, you know, you’re, you’re seeking the right things. And, and so there’s a lot, there’s a lot going on that I’m like, Oh, ooh, I wanna know more .

Beth Rowles: Right. That’s exactly why that’s there a spirit animal of mine too.

Um, and of course that’s the one from Harry Potter, but now it’s like, Oh, give me all the owl things. And, and the heart is actually in a painting that I drew. I painted just like randomly sat down with paints and canvas one day. Right after we move to this house, probably like 2012 and all this weird crap came out, I’m like, What is this?

[00:17:00] What? So I just tucked it in the closet and it was like, nobody will oversee this. And then I wrote my book, The Authentic Wife, and I was like, Oh my God. Everything that I wrote about in this book is in this painting that I did. Five, six years before, So it became the, the cover of the book . Now I get in my office and the infinity symbol is what I use to represent the framework that I do of going inward and then taking your work outward.

So yeah, that’s cool. But I love this about signs, and I learned this kind of during my journey too. It’s like, They’re just confirmation that you’re supported and that you can ask like, Is this the right move? You know, show me a sign. But just like, just anything that can show you like there’s more to life than just.

You know, making breakfast and going to bed, like there are other things out there, other energy supporting us all the time that we can tap into and ask for help and, and hear from. I think it’s just so [00:18:00] cool how you got tagged in that, and she didn’t know why, but she just followed it. I’ve had that too, where suddenly somebody will send me a message and they’re like, Feel like reaching out to you.

I was like, well, imagine that cuz I was just asking for, for somebody to give me, you know, some encouragement. This is the work I need to keep doing. And there she was. So very cool. Very cool that you did that. Um, I think that the discovering the dream. Is one of the hardest parts for most people. Like, they know they have some way, I was just talking to a client about this the other day.

She’s like, There’s something I’m meant to be doing. Like when they read my eulogy, it can’t just be about my resume. There has to be something else there. Um, and she’s just a little bit unsure of how that self-expression is gonna happen in the world. What do you, how do you help people begin to identify what those dreams are that they could.

Would like to be [00:19:00] following

Debby Kruszewski: it’s, it’s yours for a reason. And you know, we all have jobs that we have to do and some of them are daunting and you know, we may not feel like we’re making a difference in the world, but you are. You know, it’s when you know you pass, pass away and you, you know, you talked about what’s in your eulogy, you know, Those are just quick words from a reference of somebody that you know.

Um, they’re only gonna tell you their what they know and see. But what’s interesting is when somebody passes away the little things. People come up to you and say like, Oh my gosh, she helped me with my groceries and oh my gosh, she was so great. She gave me a ride and it was raining and I, I was gonna miss my train.

You know, those are the little things that matter and that what people resonate with. It [00:20:00] wasn’t while you were an engineer for 30 years and , Right? I mean, but everybody will have a great story to tell. I actually, uh, a friend of mine just passed away, um, a few weeks ago, and I used to work with him and he was that person at work.

Like I would have panic attacks on my way to work because I was like, I just don’t wanna, like, he was horrible. He was just this horrible person and. He, he was just make it torturous, you know, you’re eight hours there. And it was painful. And then he turned a corner and, you know, he, he found God and he became a nice person, I mean, with his, you know, hard, hardcore, you know, approach.

But he became a very nice person and he probably was a good person underneath it all before, but it just shined brighter. And he actually became, A friend of mine and he became somebody that helped me. There was a [00:21:00] really hard, dark time in my life and it was like, I really, I’m scared and I really wanna talk to somebody, and I didn’t call anybody and it was four o’clock in the morning and my phone rang and it was him, and he’s just like, I know you’re going through something and I know this is really.

And just, you’re gonna be okay and just know you have friends and people that are supporting you. And I really needed that. You know, people didn’t know that. Nobody knew that. But that was the first thing I remembered when I heard that he died, was the wonderful thing that he did for me that day. And those things are, Things that you, when you define yourself, you don’t say like, Well, I hope somebody at four o’clock in the morning.

You know, , right? Those things are out there. It’s the things when people aren’t looking that really define who you are, and more people are lovely people. We just don’t look for that. We try to look for other things of, [00:22:00] you know, some things that are vain or some things that are, Oh, I have to have this big fancy job.

You know, it’s things that people think are defining you. It, it’s, it’s when no one’s looking. You know, we always put on our best self when people are looking. It’s always, when nobody is looking, that really defines you and. You know, when you are living your true purpose, you’re always touching somebody’s heart.

You’re always doing, I mean, what you do is so important. You know, really helping people get through those every days of, you know, having a family and, you know, being in a relationship is not easy and keeping it going is not easy. And sometimes kids really suck , and that’s not easy. But sometimes they’re really fabulous too.

and we don’t focus on the really fabulous times. We, we are always trying to get through that hard time. Mm-hmm. , so, you know, you, you know, you’re. Giving people a piece of your yourself, but that’s not, [00:23:00] you know, a hundred percent who you are. That’s a piece of who you are. And, you know, being an artist, I mean, is, is beautiful too.

It’s just, it’s an expression of what you’re trying to, trying to say and people will see that and, and, and feel you. You know, and feel who you are. And, and so those are things that are, that are beautiful and that’s what makes people, that’s what makes you beautiful. And that’s, that was the first thing I noticed was your eyes were so striking.

I’m like, Oh my gosh, it’s so beautiful. And you just, it shows because you’re, you’re glowing because you are a good person and you surround yourself with all this goodness, and you give out goodness, and that’s your gift and talent.

Beth Rowles: Thank you. Don’t stop. , I should have you on everything, . I appreciate all that.

Thank you so much. I was just gonna say like, you’ve given me so many good quotes here to use. You’ve got such wisdom that’s coming through and I just love it. Um, that I remember when my husband’s uncle died [00:24:00] and he was a really, really good guy and I really pay attention to seeing people and trying to notice.

What, who are they authentically, And not just how did they make me feel? So I wanted to write his obituary and really talk about who he was as a person. And it was like, it’s so hard because all I can think about is how he made me feel or how he made somebody else feel. And I have a friend, Deb Blum, who ICE talks about, you know this, she ha kind of a awakening moment where.

Something talked to her. I was like, you know, it’s not what you do, it’s who you be in the world that matters. And I really think that that’s the message that you just shared too. Like thinking about, you know, following our own authentic path makes us become. More fully ourselves and share that with others and who knows how even one interaction can touch them and what it can do for them.

And that means so much more than being the doctor or, you know, [00:25:00] making tons of money or having a big successful business. It’s in the end, , That’s, that’s what we want is for everybody to have, you know, been touched in a positive way by us. I love that. I love

Debby Kruszewski: that. Yeah. It, you know, I just, excuse me. Came back from a, a trip to Maine and I was with my, my parents last night, you know, and we were talking about it, and my parents, every time somebody brings up Maine, the first story my dad will say is, I’ll never forget our car broke down and we were stuck and somebody brought me a bottle of.

He’s like, I have no idea who this person was, but I’ll never forget how much I needed that bottle of water waiting for the truck, tow truck to come. And it was just perfect timing. And you know, it’s like, I wish you know, you, So it’s always, you are always remembered, you know, like there some of those I don’t, unidentified people are, are [00:26:00] those beautiful memories of that really touched my heart.

That was really important to me. And. You know, so there’s so many of those beautiful acts of kindness out there that really make a huge difference in this. You’re

Beth Rowles: really proving the point that we are just always supported in ways that we don’t even know. That’s everything I’m hearing is just how much we are supported, and that’s definitely when you turn your focus and your attention to it.

I think that that’s absolutely true. I can. Think of my husband was an answered prayer. I remember just breaking down my room one night, like, who are all these jerks? And where, Where is the guy that’s actually for me? Send him my whale. You know? I believe that you’ll bless me with the right guy and then.

There he was. So it’s, it’s easy I think for us to have so much evidence of how much we’re supported when we’ve turned our attention to it. But what do you tell somebody who’s so afraid to either take the leap or there are just so many fears blocking them from [00:27:00] being, you know, who they really came here to be.

How did you manage those fears, or how do you help your clients? .

Debby Kruszewski: Yeah. So that’s the hugest part is, is the fears and the anxiety and the, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. So I, I call that dream crushing one oh one mm. Because we. You know, I get people super excited when I speak to them and I say, I’m gonna tell you right now, you’re gonna walk out of here.

You’re gonna feel really, really good and you’re gonna go home. And I’m pretty much guarantee you, you’re gonna go straight to your spouse or to one of your kids, or to your best friend. You’re, you’re going to wanna grab somebody right away and be like, I’m gonna leave my job and be an astronaut. And the first thing that’s gonna come outta their mouth is no right , uh, no.

Sounds crazy. So, no. You know, so you have to first learn. You’re going to go, your mind is gonna get excited. Like, I wanna do this, I wanna do [00:28:00] this. And it should, It absolutely should. And you need to start writing all these dreams down, put them on paper and really look through them and they’re, you know, really resonate with what, what is going to start first, you know, all of that.

But, You know, you have to get through your own dream crushing, and you, you automatically are asking for validation. The second you go and tell somebody. And if you’re asking for validation from somebody, that’s obviously not you, you know what the answer is going to be. And you, you automatically put yourself back into the, Nope.

See, I knew it, I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. I nobody supports me. You know? And it’s like, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You. Need to work on what your dream is. There is a lot of steps to really define it. And what is your true dream? What is a goal? What is, what is going to give you your sole purpose? [00:29:00] What is it really?

And that is a bit of a process of prayer, meditation, really spending time with yourself, really letting go of all these layers of fear. and the nose and I can’t, And who’s gonna today say no first and all. All of those things. And you have to learn how to deal with that. And you also have to learn how to build your dream team.

So you have to be confident, You have to have a path. You have to really. Exude it, that it’s not there. There is no option of no, because that doesn’t exist. Cuz you’re like, I know this is coming together. I know this is gonna happen. So, you know, you, you. Get your dream team together. You sit your family down, you know, whoever it is that you wanna invite in, you wanna invite the people closest to you.

I’m leaving my job and I’m gonna be an astronaut. I’m going to na, you know, I’m gonna spend all [00:30:00] this time, you know, I have a program and I, I put three months away. For, from my job so that I have a security blanket, I have another avenue. If I deplete that, you go in and you tell them the, the really high points of your plan and say, I’m doing this and I want you to be on my team.

And the more confident you are, you’re still gonna get people that are like, No, I don’t think so. And you know, But that’s okay. That’s not the first person you’re gonna go to when you need help, when you need advice, when you need to cry on someone’s shoulder. That’s just not your first person. And part of the definition is, you know, what somebody else’s dream looks like for you is, and what your thought your dream looked like for you may not look like that.

So, you know, my, my cousin was always told, By his father. Like, you’re gonna be a quarterback for the Giants. That’s it. That’s what it is. [00:31:00] You know, getting to the gym, get on the team, and he’s just like, I want no part of football. Like, I just don’t want anything of it. But he became extremely successful at what he does.

And you know what? He got his father to meet, to meet the, the Eli Maning quarterback of the Giants and, you know, it all worked out, you know, so he, he became successful in what he does. He got his father the answer of, Here’s the quarterback at the Giants, and I’m doing some work with him and, you know, It may not look like that.

You know the guy that wants to be the baseball player, but he’s never played baseball and he is in his later fifties, early sixties. It may not look like that and people are gonna dream crush you cuz why? That’s impossible. And that can never be. But what is, what does that mean to you? What are the feelings that be having.

Title, being in that job, what does it mean for you? So, it mean a lot of things. It was, [00:32:00] I, I like to be appreciated and get a cheer for making a quick hit. I like traveling and seeing new people and I, I like the excitement of working on a team, all those things. Well, there’s jobs that give you that. There’s places that give you that.

Mm-hmm. and, you know, defining that gets you to what that means for. Mmm. And so you have to really realize that dreams keep evolving and you might have had a dream as a child, and it might be completely different now, but it’s, it’s how does it make you feel? And a lot of people always ask me about, Well, you know, like fan fantasizing and dreams at, at when you, when you’re actually sleeping.

And those are very important because when you fantasize, you are thinking of. Of this is what I wanna look like. This is the person I wanna be, and you think that all these material things are going to give that to you, or you’re going to get there and you’re [00:33:00] magically gonna have, you know, Oh, I’m gonna be a perfect figure.

Oh, I’m gonna have, make all this money and have this fabulous job. You’re, you’re already fantasizing yourself of being there, right? So you make these choices and decisions of that. If, if I have this, then all these other things will be. Who is that person in that fantasy? What is, what is all the definition of what you look like, how you feel?

What is inside you? What is making you smile? What is making you have this fantasy and work on that? So work on being the best well rounded person and see what that dream turns into. Mm-hmm. , because the fantasy is the feeling and what you look like and who you are, the person that you are. You wanna be that person, but you’re not that person today.

We don’t fantasize of right now I’m going to go to the supermarket and I’m gonna pick up milk and I’m just gonna be glamorous. You know, we’re fantasizing of something [00:34:00] we want, or a place we wanna be or where we wanna be in our life. So look at who you are and what are the things that make you that person and be that.

Oh, and, and those are the things that help you get there. Oh

Beth Rowles: my gosh, that’s so true. I have dreams. My dreams are more honest though, cuz I’ll dream about like some fantasy scenario, but I will, um, not be that person already . So then I wake up and like, oh, another reminder that this is the thing I wanna be working on.

Myself, mine are like, You gotta do this first. Um, but I love that. So seeing who the person is that you wanna become and define what, um, you know, it means for you to be that person. How does it make you feel? I’ve also heard when we manifest, like however something makes us feel, we should move into that feeling now, and that’s how we manifest the thing.

But it’s kind of the same thing, like you move into that feeling either because you’ve done some kind of inner work or. [00:35:00] Whatever improves something in your life and then of course it, that’s your thoughts and actions change and you have a different result, so that makes sense. You talked, um, before about the dream team.

I love that because people will tell you no cuz they come at you with their own fear when you say you’re gonna do something. I quit my job right after my husband had been outsourced. And laid off from the Cleveland Clinic and he just thought it was absolutely nuts because he didn’t have a job. And then suddenly I didn’t have a job.

I was like, I got a plan. gotta make it happen. Uh, and it’s, it’s been okay, but it’s a little bit, you know, it was. It was a lot. How do you help people, and maybe this is a hard question and you don’t know the answer, but maybe you do. How do you help people distinguish from when their dream team or somebody in their support network is like projecting their own kind of fear or their own kind of dream onto them?

Like, Oh, well you should actually do this instead. How do [00:36:00] you distinguish that from like real support like, They have a genuine concern or idea or something that would, you know, maybe be a better path or do you just ignore that or do you, and let it like you come to that conclusion on your own? Or how do you know when it’s fear and when it’s support?

Debby Kruszewski: Well, that’s a great question and that happens. At a hundred percent happens. And so what I teach people to do is to make a very strong plan. Mm-hmm. . And it’s not only the plan’s never gonna work the way you wrote it up, it’s just never will. But knowing that there you, the plan is for. The start and the finish and the journey always changes.

It’s like gps, it’s like, Oh, there’s an accident up ahead. We’re going to, we’re going to turn you and put you on a different highway. You know? So look at it like that, but also look at it again. There’s a start and there’s a finish, and [00:37:00] there’s a journey, right? So you’ve been on this journey for your whole life, and you might have just identified it, but you’ve been on this journey, you’ve done work.

You are further. Ahead, then you really think and believe you are, this person has taken, what, 10 minutes and they’re at the starting point and you’re like, I gotta get you to what I’m at here. You know, you have to recognize where you are on your path because a lot of times, and social media’s really good for this of, I’m gonna take you back to zero.

Like, I’m gonna bring you back here. Oh, no, no, no, no. You know, I have, um, Sleeping issues. Right? Everybody, all of a sudden is an expert of, Oh, this is what you gotta do. Like, oh yeah. You know, you tell somebody you’re single, I have this great idea. You should try online dating. Oh, okay. How long have you been married or something?

Years, Yes. Online dating. That’s the way to do it. You know, there’s always somebody wants to take you back to ground [00:38:00] zero because automatically that’s the, the thoughts that they have and the knowledge that they know. Is to take you back to ground zero, but you’re not, you’re, you’re zero to a hundred.

You’re at 95, right? You’re so close. And someone’s like, I have this great idea. I know you were an engineer. You was an engineer, right? Mm-hmm. No, that was your other, Oh, so. , um, I have this great idea you should apply for a job. It’s like, uh, , you think I wasn’t doing that right? . But once you recognize where you are, where he, you know, he’s doing what he’s doing and he’s sticking to his path and that’s the best you can do.

And it’s frustrating. And there, there’s all this silence and then there’s all these people that have these great ideas for you. So there’s a few things you could do. You could. Be mad, which is our general, um, initial, uh, reaction. Right? Yeah. Or you could smile and be like, Actually I have a plan and I appreciate you [00:39:00] helping me and thinking about me, but I’m already past that.

I’m really past that point and I’m gonna stick with what I’m doing and you could be excited about it to be. I’ve really come really far. Like I’ve already done all that and I’ve come really far. And when you see it happening a lot more often, it’s usually because the energy is in the air of something really good at this company coming and there is negative forces.

Now I’m not sitting here saying that people in your life are negative forces. I’m saying there’s, there’s good energy that you’re giving out and then there’s bad energy that’s trying to. Block you from it. So when you get that bad notice of like, you didn’t get that job or that didn’t work out, and so and so is coming to you and telling you, forget it.

Throw away your dreams and go get a, a job, that’s where you’re like, Okay, you heard the negative before you heard what my positive is. Because you gotta weed through that to get there. Mm. So it’s those clouds [00:40:00] of dust that are, that can’t see you. So you could be like, Just say no. Be like, No, that’s not it.

No, that’s not the way, because that is just clearing the clouds of dust and gets you further. And when you’re at 95, you’ve jumped to 90. Right there, you know, and they’re still at zero. And do, don’t be mad at them. Don’t blame them. They just can only see zero. And they, they, they haven’t, they haven’t weed through all the dust yet.

Ah, So you gotta turn it around, you know, you gotta learn how to turn that situation around and, and smile through it because, Negativity. That’s how you kill it. You kill it with love and kindness and positivity cuz it doesn’t know how to react, It doesn’t know how to get through that. It’s, it’s very simple to rid of negativity.

It’s with positivity. So you gotta know where you are on your dream cycle, on your dream path, on your dream journey where you are. And know that you’ve come so far [00:41:00] because you have to really be secure at each step of the way cuz you are gonna be tested that whole way. And it’s not bad, it just shows you where you are in your.

And, you know, that’s, that’s the greatest part is, you know, um, not the, I don’t wanna call them haters, but just letting those negative forces try to do their work. And you’re like, No, you’re not gonna win. You are not gonna win. And that’s just showing me that I’m that much closer. And you’ll see that dust disappear and you’ll see yourself grow, grow a

Beth Rowles: little bit more.

I love that that confidence is everything. And it’s such a good point that like they’re, they’re at zero and you’re already at 95 and moving up. Like they can’t see how much you’ve done. But I also love that you say like you have a strong plan. And that’s something I’ve told my clients before. Like we can tend to be kind of like, Up here and ungrounded with our ideas and know that we’re moving with inspiration, but we forget to like ground the [00:42:00] idea with some kind of plan.

Like for me, I probably would have preferred that I’d made a business plan before, before I left. So I had at least something kind of guiding me on the day to day of like, okay, now what do I need to do? And. What’s this gonna take and what’s like the timeframe to actually get that thing built? So I know that you have a program, people can find you@debbiecruz.com.

That’s K R u s z.com. Tell me about your program. Like do you support them to make this plan? Are you like cheerleading them? When somebody’s coming in with their negativity, how do you help them fulfill? Like, see this dream, Make it real.

Debby Kruszewski: Yes, I, I work with clients one on one, and you know, everybody, I call it a dream because.

Everybody’s purpose and reason is different, and usually it comes with, I hate my job. It usually starts there. I hate my job. I’m in a bad relationship. And usually that’s where you can really get to the core of what are you [00:43:00] doing for your everyday life to support your everyday life. If that is making you upset and miserable, everything is gonna be miserable.

You know, your relationships are gonna be m. You’re, you’re going to migrate to things that don’t, that feel good in the moments like eating bad substance abuse, uh, you know, watching things that aren’t unhealthy. Those things are just quick fixes to get you through the everyday and, and, and the, and the.

Feel good, to feel good in the moment. Mm-hmm. . Um, so it’s identifying all of that. It’s really coming in with all your bags of crap and putting it on the table and let’s go through it together so you know, really. Un, un unleashing all of that, really letting it go, Working on that and seeing what the dream is.

And there is some hard work and there’s a lot of fun work too. There is a lot of fun. I, you know, I feel like I’ve worked with enough people and I’ve [00:44:00] gone through enough myself where I may not have seen it all, but everything sort of goes down. The same kind of path. You know, it might look different, but we all kind of get through these pitfalls.

So it’s working one on one, and I do it in sections. So I say, you know, let’s. Um, plan for four meetings and you know, this is, it’s gonna take us as far, far, and it’s not necessarily four meetings. It’s, I’m not there. I don’t sit here and say we’re gonna get it. Everything accomplished in four meetings. We probably won’t, but we’re gonna work until this four.

Parts get fixed. So it may not be four meetings, it might be six and that, but we dedicated, you know, to this section. And then some people could be like, I’m good, like I’m good after that and I’m ready to go. But some people are like, I need more. And a lot of it is accountability. A lot of it is digging in [00:45:00] deeper.

And a lot of it is the handholding through those dream crushing moments and getting people to. Need that confidence cheerleader cuz they may not have it at home right then and there, getting to those great milestones and then there will come a point of like, I don’t, I’m on my own and I don’t wanna be some with somebody for too long because then it becomes a crutch.

Right? So it’s really, you know, like nurturing and getting you on your own. And I take it in, in, in four seasons. So I, I use it as four chunks of this is we’re in this season and you may. Need to start it. There is no, everybody start, but button is different. So maybe you’ve already passed three seasons, maybe you just need to work on the fourth season, or maybe you’re in the third season.

Maybe you need to revisit the first season. So it’s, it’s where you are. It’s not like it starts here and it ends here. Everybody’s journey is different, but yes, I, I use the borderlines to, to, um, [00:46:00] Define it and, and to make it easier for people to understand it’s not just like an empty, , empty plan that keeps going.

Yeah. Oh, that’s so

Beth Rowles: cool. I love that. So you kind of meet them where they’re at and do it in those different sections. Um, Wow. I’m thinking, you know, my clients always have big dreams, but I’m thinking about all their client, their husbands who get stuck in jobs and they’re really, they’re not happy cuz they’re not spending as much time with their kids as they want or there’s as much pressure.

Do you work with men and women?

Debby Kruszewski: Yes, and And men are the ones that really come through of I really. I really need this. And yeah, they’re, a lot of them are just embarrassed to ask for help and they feel like, Well, I’m a provider and I, you know, I have to do this. But it’s eating you and, and it, when you’re in emotions are really harmful, negative emotions, [00:47:00] really.

Give you, you know, illnesses and, you know, why are you always coughing and, and sick? You know, like you have to look at all those things of, it’s making you sick. You don’t realize that. Um, and I think that they feel like they’ve failed. And I did hear somebody talking about a study about, you know, jobs today and you know, what jobs were hundreds of years ago where everything was physical and physical labor and, you know, they could show like, I, I built this house, you know, and we don’t, did not, all the jobs are, are those physical things and a lot of.

Men are, don’t know, don’t understand that or see like that. They have that instinct in them of, of wanting to build and to show and to make a difference, to provide where they’re physically doing it. And when you’re just have a piece of paper with numbers on it, it’s totally different. And people don’t know what you’re doing all day and don’t see what you’re going through.

They [00:48:00] go through that emotion of. I didn’t put in the hard physical work. You didn’t see it. And, and, and they get lost in that. Um, so a lot of those are really finding strong hobbies that will, will get them through that or, you know, doing things that really can show that side of them. It’s not everybody.

It, I just found it interesting that there was a study that came, came out about that. Um, so yeah, I think for men, what’s hard is that they can’t, they’re afraid. to say out loud, they’re afraid to have the conversation with me. But once, what I try to do with my social media is just to put out like one thought or, or one thing of the day, and so many guys or are can then feel comfortable with me to be like, You know, I really could use that little extra.

So I, I, I enjoy that more because they, they really have gone through a lot of the mental process [00:49:00] already of, I feel, Confident and I I that I need this and that I feel comfortable that you can help me. So I try to make my social media in that place so you could try to touch as many hearts as possible.

Oh, and I think women are just more open to.

Beth Rowles: We, we just like to do the, I guess, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there’s so much pressure on men to be providers, that’s for sure. And I totally agree. I’m gonna have to check out this study because it’s something I’ve suspected for a while. Like the inner masculine wants to get down and dirty and see the, you know, results of their labor.

Like, that’s just, I feel like that is who they are. And for like my husband’s in it just clicky, clicky, . There’s no idea what kind of impact he has, so That’s awesome. Tell everybody where they can find you.

Debby Kruszewski: Yes. So I try to make it as simple as possible. My website and my handle [00:50:00] is the same. So it’s Debbie Cruz, d e b b y.

K R U s z.com and social media is at Instagram, at Facebook, Twitter, uh, Pinterest, and LinkedIn. And YouTube .

Beth Rowles: Awesome. Very cool. Well, thank you Debbie. I really appreciate all your time today. This is so inspiring and I love your connection to. All the invisible energies all around you and how that’s led you down your path.

And I’m so grateful that you’re doing this work, and I’m gonna tell my husband he needs to go follow you on Instagram at least. Um, it’s great. I think this is beautiful that you’re getting people to, you know, fulfill everything that they want to be and came here to be. It’s very awesome. Thank you for all your time today.

I really appreciate it.

Debby Kruszewski: Thank you, Beth. I appreciate it. Being on your show. Thank you, . Yeah. All right.

You can find Debby at


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I'm Beth Rowles, Hi!

I help driven moms use the conflict in their marriage as a feedback loop to grow in self-awareness so they can create the marriage they, and their kids, deserve without leaving the one they're in or waiting for their husband to evolve.

I'm the author of The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage and host of The Authentic Wife Show podcast & YouTube channel.


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You and your kids deserve a marriage that brings your light to life. That may seem far away right now, but I’m proof that it’s possible and in your power to create! Stop worrying about what your kids are learning from him and let’s figure out what they can learn from you, mama!